Normally, I’m a pretty sunny person – happy, upbeat, optimistic. Today, I’m feeling a little spicy, though. Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s my period. I don’t know. Anyway, I’m offering up what could serve as my worst enemy’s how-to manual:
Random Things That Annoy Me
(Keep in mind, this is not an all-inclusive list because the internet just ain’t big enough, baby.)
- Lip-smacking. It actually involves more than just lips. There’s some tongue and saliva in the mix, too. You know the sound. It’s that moist, suction sound you hear when someone is really enjoying their food or can’t decide whether to keep their mouth open or shut. Ick.
- References to “balls” by women as if they have them. As in, “Don’t bust my balls!” or “I’ve got the balls to say it.” Ummm, no ya don’t. You do not have balls. Come up with another way to say what you mean.
- The fact that my husband glanced over my shoulder at the first two items and thought it was “hot.”
- The use of the word “irregardless.” It should be “regardless.” Look it up.
- The songs “Butterfly Kisses” and “Christmas Shoes.”
- The common question that often follows the statement that I’m a stay-at-home mom: “So, what do you do all day?” Regardless (ha ha, see what I did there?) of what some may think, stay-at-home moms don’t necessarily spend their days eating their weight in Bon-Bons, having internet sex, and watching Oprah, Dr. Phil and Soap Operas. Some of us, who aren’t satisfied with plopping our children in front of the television all day, actually care for them, which is a full-time time job if you’re doing it right. Even children who have a working mother require someone to care for them through the day. Do you ask daycare workers or nannies, “So, what do you do all day?” A paycheck doesn’t equal worth.
Okay…I wrote the bit you see above, then saved it because Julia woke up from her nap. Now that I look at it again, I feel like the evil, negative Mommy monster. Since I’m just a bit of a freak and will feel all twitchy until I balance it out, here ya go:
Random Things That Make Me Happy
(Again, not an all-inclusive list because your screen would explode if I unleashed all that sunshine.)
- Slipping between fresh, crisp sheets on a newly made bed.
- The song “I Want You Back” by The Jackson 5.
- My husband’s soft kisses on the back of my neck.
- My daughter’s laugh.
- This…particularly at 1:34.
- The comic strip “Baby Blues.” Now, those guys get it.