Aug
6
Recently, Julia, and I ran out to the grocery store to grab a few things. As we were leaving the check-out line, she noticed a cute yellow bear in the claw machine. I had some change, so I tried to win it for her, but failed. I looked at her and frowned, “Aw, we didn’t win.”
She curled her little hands into fists, scowled and yelled, “Oh, DAMMIT.”
I heard the collective gasp of the onlookers around me and felt blood rush to my cheeks as I bolted out of the store. I was so embarrassed – for two reasons: 1) she said, no she screamed “DAMMIT” in public, and 2) she sounded just like me when she did it! Ugh! I’ve gotta stop saying dammit.
No one knows embarrassment like the mother of a toddler. My mother was no exception. In fact, she is certain that Julia’s Dammit Incident is payback for the time I threw myself on the floor at the Five-and-Ten when she wouldn’t buy me a toy and cried, “No, Mommy! Don’t hit me!” (For the record, my mom never did hit me, although I’m sure she wanted to after that.)
I guess the only way to survive the karmic hurricane that is the Terrible Twos is to share it and laugh. So, here are some other things my two-year-old has been doing that are terribly embarrassing:
- Saying, “Oh Crap!” It is a downgrade from “dammit,” but still fairly embarrassing.
- Shoe tossing. She has a habit of removing her shoes and tossing them aside, regardless of our location. One time, she took her sandals off while riding in the car shopping cart in the grocery store and tossed them out without me seeing. I started to notice people looking at her, then me with disgust. After more than a few nasty glances, I stopped the cart and bent down next to her. She was leaning back, with her bare feet propped up on the dashboard of the car cart. I looked around for her shoes, retracing our path through the store, but couldn’t find them anywhere. I ended up at the customer service desk where someone had turned them in to Lost and Found only to hear, “You lost her shoes? I’m not sure how that happens, but here you go.” The clerk obviously wasn’t a mother. Shoes are easy to lose, dammit! Oh crap, I said it again.
- Food tossing. She’s really into throwing things. Daddy is optimistic that she’ll be great at fast-pitch. For now, she’s really good at lobbing broccoli into the next booth at Applebee’s.
- Nose-picking. Yep, she does it (and so does your kid).
- Calling people “Little Girls,” “Little Boys,” “Mommies,” “Daddies,” “Grandmas” or “Grandpas.” Julia identifies people by assigning them one of these titles. Sometimes her titles aren’t appropriate and people are offended (like the lady at the DMV she called “Grandma” or the very short man she called “Little Boy” at the library).
- Jamming peas up her nose and blowing them out.
- Grabbing me with dirty hands, often during a meal at a restaurant, causing me to walk around with stains on my shirt, usually over my boobs.
- Fake falling down.
- Doing the “spaghetti” move where she lets her body go limp when I’m trying to pick her up or put her down.
- Eating her friend’s snacks like she’s never been fed before. She has actually shoveled handfuls of Goldfish in her mouth at storytime with such fervor that a mom asked, “Didn’t she have breakfast?” Yes, of course she did. I guess her breakfast or the Goldfish in my bag aren’t as awesomely declicious as her friend’s at storytime. She repeated this performance just last weekend at her Daddy’s softball game. This time, she cleaned her friend out of Cheerios, juice, and gummy fish. I didn’t realize so much food could fit in her stomach.
I’ve spent more time blushing in the past two months than I have during any other time in my life, but I wouldn’t trade a second of it. For every embarrassing thing my daughter does, there are so many other things she does that make me proud. Julia is growing and embarrassing incidents are a part of that process. And hey, I’m growing, too. I’m just glad Julia isn’t old enough to realize how embarrassing I am!
Do you have an embarrassing toddler moment? Share it at Mommy Moments!
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