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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
Oct
31
We began our Halloween holiday celebration by making caramel apples…
Then, we painted pumpkins.
We were all pretty excited for the Halloween grand finale of Trick-or-Treating in our new neighborhood. Dave and I dressed as zombies. Julia dressed as Eeyore.
We packed Julia’s wagon with flashlights, umbrellas and Buckeyes as 6:30 P.M. approached, then waited and watched for signs that the big event had begun. After a full ten minutes, nothing seemed to be happening. We got in the car and drove down our lane where the houses were dark and locked up tight. We live outside the city limits, but the inhabitants of the houses on our road behave like a little community. We had asked a neighbor about Trick-or-Treat and were given the date and time. Dave and I had assumed it would go down on our road. We quickly learned that we had to go to town to participate. The big Buckeye delivery would have to wait.
By the time we arrived in town, we had 45 minutes of Trick-or-Treat time left. We found a parking spot and headed toward the busiest street. Julia’s enthusiasm began to wane as we arrived at the first house, but after a quick reminder of Trick-or-Treat ettiquette and her candy reward, she was off. It was about the third house in that the reality of Trick-or-Treat hit Julia like a bus. She was getting candy! “More candy! More candy!” she exclaimed as we moved on. After visiting another house she shouted, “Mom, I get all the Trick-or-Treats!” She was in heaven.
Even through all of her excitement, Julia didn’t want to take a chance of messing up this free candy gig and was a perfect halloweener. She was very cautious of the kids around her and was sure to say, “Excuse me” each time another trick-or-treater crossed her path. She approached each house with confidence, making eye contact and greeting the candy-givers with a cheerful, “Trick or treat!” Not only did she thank them for the candy, but added, “Happy Halloween” as she left to move on to the next home. She even made small talk when prompted.
One man asked her, “Are you Eeyore?”
“No, I’m trick or treating,” she replied earnestly. The man started to laugh and she laughed, too. She had a great time.
Dave and I, on the other hand, were feeling a little awkward. On top of the stupidity and guilt we felt for getting a late start, we were getting a lot of hard stares and few replies to our friendly hello’s as we marched along the route. We noted that neither of us had seen an adult that was dressed up. Finally, at one house, someone made mention that we were grown-ups and we were dressed up. I confessed that we were new in town and, “Don’t you do that here?” I guess not. But that didn’t matter. Julia was having fun. She was thrilled that we dressed up, too. And the thirteen I Love You’s we got along the way for being the zombies with the sweet hook-ups was worth it.
Oct
30
It’s Buckeye Season!
by Leslie
The holidays are almost here, so I’ve started to make my traditional goodies for the season: peanut butter balls, better known as Buckeyes here in Ohio.
I started making them about four years ago. I had included some in goodie baskets I’d made for Dave’s family for Christmas. I made more than enough for the baskets, so I sent the leftovers to work with Dave to share with his co-workers. Soon, I started to get requests for more. By the end of the Christmas season, I’d established a bit of a Buckeye cult following. The next year, as Thanksgiving approached, the requests for Buckeyes began to roll in. I filled each order and experimented with requests to try some variations. By the end of that year, I was offering Buckeyes with dark, milk and white chocolate. Now, I have a regular little holiday business going.
Today, I made my first batch of peanut butter balls while Dave couldn’t resist making jokes like this.
Starting out each year is great. Julia watches me as I explain the special recipe I’ve become known for and it feels good to have something of my own to pass down to her. I imagine my family, generations later, making my Buckeyes and I’m the Grandma they refer to when they say, “Just like Grandma used to make.” Then, I start to think of Harry London and how his candy-making business started out much like mine has. I dream that my Buckeye business takes off and soon I’m selling Mama Grimmett’s Goodies (that are made lovingly by hand) all over the place. It’s confectionary bliss.
A few weeks and 50 dozen later, my attitude changes. Instead of dreaming of growing my business, I’m dreaming of sleep because it’s 4AM, I haven’t been to bed yet and Julia will be up soon, but if I don’t do it now she won’t let me do it later and I’ve got a deadline…
But, today was the first day and it was grand. I made 6 dozen Buckeyes to give to our new neighbors tomorrow evening as we visit their homes for Trick-or-Treat. I’m giving each neighbor half a dozen like this:
Hopefully, they’ll love the Buckeyes, love us and welcome us into their tight-knit neighborhood. Maybe we’ll all become great friends and have giant cook outs and parties together. Or maybe we’ll just be cordial and wave when we pass by. At the very least, I hope they like the Buckeyes. And us.
Oct
29
My experiences in Mommyhood this past week are best articulated by this quote from the movie White Men Can’t Jump
“Sometimes when you lose you actually win and sometimes when you win you actually lose, and sometimes when you win or lose you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie you actually win or lose.”
You said it, sister. That’s just what I was thinking.
Oct
28
Safe
by Leslie
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Photo Theme. Join the blogroll. Visit participants. |
Helmet? Check.
Knee pads? Check.
Elbow pads? Check.
Bubble wrap? Who forgot the bubble wrap?!?!
Oct
27
1. Eat all of the Wheat Thins and then put the empty box back in the cupboard. This way, I can feel extra disapointed when I open the box and find the crumbs staring up at me saying “See what you missed?”
2. Instead of taking out the trash when the can is full, keep jamming the refuse in there. Stack some garbage on top, perferably wet or soggy items so I can get showered with slop when I take the trash out.
3. When I say, “I’m having a bad day,” sing that song by Daniel Powter to me.
4. Use the kitchen sink as your trash can. Fill it with dishes, chunks of leftover food, napkins, food wrappers, banana peels, the works. Make sure to run some water so it’ll be nice and gross when I clean it up.
5. Leave swirly skid marks in the toilet. Just completely ignore the toilet brush that has been placed right beside it for your convenience.
6. Explode stuff in the microwave. Leave it for me to clean up.
7. Tell me the cat just puked on the floor in the bathroom. Walk me to it and point it out, but do not clean it up. Let me do it.
8. Give my daughter a popsicle for breakfast.
9. Do not replace the toilet paper roll when it runs out. Just leave the cardboard tube.
10. Ask me, “Do you mind if I ______?” Then when I tell you that I do mind and would rather you didn’t, do it anyway.
Oct
26
Week of Lists: Guilty Pleasures
by Leslie
We all have things we hate to love…or maybe we just hate to admit we love them. They’re the things you enjoy when you’re all alone or you think no one is paying attention. Guilty pleasures. Here are ten of mine, in no particular order.
1. Piggy Tails. You won’t see me poking around in public with pig tails, but I often sport them at home. They keep the hair out of my face and show a little whimsy. Who doesn’t need a little whimsy?
2. Dairy Queen Vanilla Ice Cream. The flavor…the texture…the ice cream curly cue. This stuff is like manna from heaven. It was the mainstay of my diet while I was pregnant with Julia, which is probably why she’s so darn sweet. She’s pretty much made of sugar.
3. SpongeBob Squarepants. I realize I’m not the target demographic for this show, but I just don’t care. I love SpongeBob Squarepants because of stuff like this, this and this. It’s like Monty Python for kids.
4. The Local Police Blotter. I love to read police reports in the newspaper for two reasons. The first is safety. I know the people and places to avoid because I am fully aware of the criminal activity in my neighborhood. The second reason (and here’s where the “guilty” part of this pleasure comes in) is because it is damn funny. Just about everyday there is something that makes the newspaper totally worth buying. A man tells a gas station attendant he’s not paying for his gas because, “Jesus said he’d take care of it.” and drives off. Unruly juveniles run through a store with carved pumpkins on their heads. A man calls police because a woman he was with, but didn’t know, stole his crack. Where else can you find that kind of entertainment?
5. The Other Sister (1999). This “love story for the romantically challenged” is one I have to watch if I catch it on television, whether it just started or is halfway through. I just can’t walk away. I’m not sure exactly what it is about this movie, but it makes me feel good.
6. Family Guy. It may be a cartoon, but it’s not for kids. It’s the kind of show I wouldn’t want my Grandma to know I watch. Irreverent and profane, this show goes where no other would dare. Even Mommy likes daring now and then.
7. Crunch ‘n Munch. Heaven is popcorn, peanuts and a buttery toffee coating. I almost always have a secret stash of this delicous goody somewhere in the house.
8. Acrophobia. If you have a talent for deciphering acronyms, this highly addictive, time-sucking game is for you. It goes a little something like this:
Acrobot says: The acro is: GMBD.
Leslie types: Good Men Buy Diamonds
Everyone votes.
Leslie loses to Grab My Big Dick
See how fun that is? You can play at Uproar.com.
9. She’s Having A Baby (1988). This just might be my favorite movie. Charming, funny and 98% Kevin Bacon. I especially love the fantasy sequences, like the lawn-mower dance, and the flashback scenes set to music wrench my heart just the right amount. Check out the trailer here.
10. Texas Holdem Yep. I play poker, all the while singing the chorus to “The Gambler.” I may not be the best at bluffing, but people will start folding just to get me to quit singing. I don’t care. I’ll take your chips whether I got them by outsmarting you or annoying you. Winning is winning. Right?
What are your guilty pleasures?
Oct
26
Week of Lists: Excuses
by Leslie
I didn’t post an entry here, yesterday. Thankfully, Dave was kind enough to bust something out to keep things flowing, but I am feeling pretty guilty about it. So, in honor of the WEEK OF LISTS, I am providing you, in list form, my excuses for the lack of blogging yesterday.
1. I was battling the YouTube uploader. With a toddler ruling my schedule, my computer time is sporadic and often limited. Yesterday, I spent most of my computer time trying to upload video for this post. It finally worked, but I get the feeling that YouTube hates me.
2. I was distracted. It’s hard to focus when you have this begging you for attention.
3. I was interrupted. This is Katie, a.k.a. Damn It Katie or since Julia has started talking, Bad Katie.
Looks sweet, doesn’t she? She isn’t. We call her Bad Katie for a reason. Katie is like a rebellious teenager giving you the finger behind your back, but instead of giving me the finger she was peeing in my Longaberger basket. Her saving grace is that she is very squishy and I like that.
4. I had a date with Julia. Julia and I bought some wooden letters to paint and hang on her playroom door and I promised her we’d do that yesterday. So, we did. It took two coats of paint and two coats of sealer, with an hour of dry time between each. It was pretty much an all-day project.
5. I had an unfortunate incident. This is where things go terribly wrong. Men, you may want to jump ship right here because I’m going to talk about woman issues. Okay? Here it is. After more than 2 years without a period (just one reason breastfeeding rocks), it returned. With.A.Vengence. After a maddening search for an appropriate product, it became clear that I just wasn’t prepared. It had been a long time since I dealt with this thing. I needed to get to the store to buy the goods, but wasn’t willing to head out unprotected. So, I made due and used a diaper to fashion what I thought was a reasonable substitute. A diaper is absorbent and disposable. It is also the funniest thing an adult can wear, according to a toddler. And when my toddler thinks something is funny, she likes to share it. Luckily, my husband arrived home, took pity on me and made the trip to the store. By that point, I was so frazzled that my mastery of language was reduced to grunts and claps (and that doesn’t translate to print too easily). So, instead of writing, I curled up on the couch with Julia and watched a full hour of Roseanne
Hopefully, I can make up for all this by having my Guilty Pleasures list out this evening.
Oct
25
Being that it is Halloween time and Leslie has come up with this fantastic Week of Lists idea, I thought I would offer up something to make people squirm. The following is my list of the Top 25 Movie Death Scenes.
NOTE: These are only from movies that I have seen. If there is a scene that you think should be on the list, feel free to let me know. Maybe I can rent them for Halloween and scare the bejesus out of Leslie.
WARNING: This post is for grown-ups so please be careful when viewing the videos or pictures. They’re not for children.
SPOILER ALERT: Important parts of the movies on the list will be revealed.
- Curb AppealNot what you consider a horror movie, however in this philosophical and racially charged roller coaster ride, Edward Norton goes to a very sadistic and disturbing extreme when he catches two men breaking into his vehicle. Already wounded from a gunshot, Norton had the helpless victim place his teeth on the curb then proceeded to smash his foot down on the back of his head. This scene bothered me in so many ways that I had considered not even putting it on the list.
- I’m Melting!Pic1 / Pic2 / Pic3 / Pic4
Pics from moviedeaths.com
This movie was disappointing, however this scene with Paul McCrane driving his truck into a vat of toxic goop and his subsequent melting as a result was THE redeeming shot in the movie. But was McCrane finshed? Oh no, he finished things off by stumbling right into the path of an oncoming vehicle and basically exploding upon contact- Talk about your bad days. Now if Robocop would have exploded…
- Key To FreedomPhoto of the “Reverse Bear Trap”
The razor wire trap was especially troubling but lost points by not showing the entire death scene. When Cary Elwes cuts off his foot it is very gruesome, however we do not know if he actually dies. So I will be going with the “Reverse Bear Trap” scene where Shawnee Smith must search inside the body of a dead cellmate to find a key to unlock a device on her head that will eventually rip her jaws apart. Unfortunatley, her cellmate isn’t really dead, just paralyzed. The unrated version shows Smith struggling through intestines and other organs to find the key. Sick stuff right there.
- Tommy’s Gettin’ MadeThis was a very well thought out “shock” death where there was a great build-up of Joe Pesci’s Tommy Devito believing he was getting invited to join the Mafia. When Tommy opens the door to an empty room, there was a very brief moment of confusion - followed by instant clarity as a gun was put to the back of Tommy’s head and the trigger pulled. There were other scenes in the movie with brutal (and interesting) deaths, but this one also had the importance of being a huge turning point in the movie.
- William Wallace HAD GutsClip from YouTube.com
You cannot see anything happening to Mel Gibson’s William Wallace character, but am I wrong in thinking that you could almost feel it? Hung, racked, drawn and quartered and then finally beheaded -Wallace apparently had accomplished some things to really piss the English off. This scene makes even the most diehard men get a lump in their throats and a little misty-eyed. Could have been a top 5 if they would have actually shown him getting drawn and quartered.
- Breaking Up Is Hard To DoRutger Hauer has your girlfriend tied between two eighteen-wheelers and is sitting behind the wheel of one revving the gas. You have a gun and are sitting next to Mr. Hauer. He is asking you to shoot him or he will release the clutch. What do you do? Easy, you shoot the loon. See David Mills down there at #18? Now he did what had to be done. Somebody needs to get C. Thomas Howell some common sense…and a new girlfriend.
- Sharks Like Nude WomenIn the very opening scene, we get to see what turned the normal peace-loving fish into a rabid people-eating monster shark. You want answers? Blame everything on Chrissie Watkins (Susan Backlinie) breaking all the movie rules: drinking on the beach, picking up some schmo and then peeling it off to go skinny-dipping. She never had a chance as poor Jaws was not impressed with her womanly charms.
- Envy In A BoxClip from YouTube.com
This movie opened my eyes to what a great actor Kevin Spacey is. The entire dialog during the trip to the desert prepared us for something, but no amount of expectation could have readied us for Spacey’s John Doe having the head of detective David Mills’ (Brad Pitt) wife delivered by truck and the ensuing execution of Doe by Pitt. Viewers at this point in the movie, with the knowledge that Pitt’s character does not have, are all for him pulling the trigger.
- DinnertimeClip from YouTube.com
Marv (Mickey Rourke) lost his battle with razor-nailed cannibal Kevin (Elijah Wood) during his first visit to Roark family farm, but after escaping being captive in the basement where Kevin keeps his prey, Marv would return. This time, Marv would get the jump on Kevin, knocking him out. When Kevin awoke from unconsciousness, he would find both his arms and legs severed and a very hungry-looking wolf ready to eat. Marv would cut the fun short as he would finish Kevin off by decapitation.
- Killer HeadacheClip from YouTube.com
Any movie that has Michael Ironside and includes heads exploding is good viewing in my book. Any movie where Michael Ironside is causing heads to explode? Well that is just pure gold. In this scene, bad guy Darryl Revok (Ironside) shows people at an ESP convention what a splitting headache actually feels like. While nowadays such effects my draw some chuckles, this is definitely something you don’t see everyday.
- Swiss SonnyClip from YouTube.com
When Sonny (James Caan) learns that his brother-in-law has beaten his pregnant sister for a second time, he heads to seek revenge personally. While stopped at a tollbooth on the causeway, he is ambushed and riddled with almost 150 bullets. This scene is memorable for the immensity of explosive squibs that Caan wore (147) and the fact that he was able to get out of the car after being shot numerous times only to get finished off by 20 guns riddling him with bullets.
- I’m Melting Too!Clip from YouTube.com
This movie holds a special place in my heart as it was the very first movie that I saw in the theater. Overall, being an 8-year old movie theater virgin, I loved the movie. That being said, after watching everyone melt after opening the Ark of the Covenant, I wasn’t in too much of hurry to see another. I still get the willies when I see that movie - even 25 years later.
- A Little HeartburnClip from YouTube.com
Norris is stressed out over the fact that they are isolated in Antarctica in claustrophobic conditions with no communication equipment, no vehicles, in the middle of a severe blizzard, its always dark due to the Antarctic winter and there is an alien being that absorbs living things and can transform into them slowly killing everyone - so he has a heart attack. When Dr. Cooper uses a defilibrator to try and revive him, Norris’ stomach turns into a giant mouth a bites Cooper’s arms off.
- Skewered BaconClip from YouTube.com
Same would say that this is a typical kill when it comes to Jason and his shenanigans, but c’mon, this is freaking Kevin Bacon we are talking about here! Kevin shows off his Oscar skills as he takes an arrow from under the bed through the throat. Only HE could have pulled that one off with such skill and precision.
- Car HoppingClip from YouTube.com
It seems this is pretty much the only scene in the entire movie that I can remember completely. Joe Black (Brad Pitt) gets hit, flipped, smashed, somersaulted and splattered off of a van and a car before landing with a nice sickening “thud” on the street. The scene was sudden, which always gets bonus points and is also helped by the expression of the guy standing on the sidewalk watching.
- Dude, Where’s My Head?Having just witnessed Carter Horton being saved from his predetermined demise of being smashed by an oncoming train, Billy Hitchcock was so scared he lost his head. When a chain hanging from the train kicked up a piece of metal debris that unfortunately cut him off in mid sentence - right above the chin. This scene earned a few positions due to the fact that none other that Sean William Scott (”American Pie” & “Dude, Where’s My Car?”) is the the victim.
- Gomer Goes PsychoClip from YouTube.com
You couldn’t help but feel for Leonard “Private Pyle” Lawrence (Vincent D’Onofrio) during this movie, even as you witness his sanity slowly slip away. Even at this climatic scene, Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (the great R. Lee Ermey) continues to give Pyle a verbal lashing that results in Pyle killing Hartman and then himself. Suicide scenes such as this were not commonplace in movies and left my jaw on the floor.
- Freeze DriedClip from YouTube.com
Some may say it’s hard to justify Jason Vorhees getting two spots on my countdown and Freddy Kreuger being shut out, but it’s my list and I just haven’t been too impressed with Freddy. This scene takes place in the future in space where apparently they leave sinks full of liquid nitrogen in the med lab. The good doctor, mistakenly thinking that Jason is dead and finds out first hand things frozen in liquid nitrogen shatter when smashed against a solid surface. Bonus points for being unique.
- Surprise!There are some quality deaths in this movie but the best is the very first appearance of the Mini-Me alien courtesy of Mr. John Hurt’s torso. The timing of the scene is perfect as everything “appears” normal one minute and the next we have a man giving birth to a lizard and everyone having to change their underwear. The scene is often spoofed but the original is as good today as it was back then. Good stuff.
- Time To SplitWith the promise of 13 fiendish ghosts, one would have thought that this movie would have been full of death scenes to choose from. Unfortunately, the only memorable scene is when lawyer Ben Moss (J.R. Bourne) finally finds his payment in the form of a bag full of money and he mistakenly starts a chain reaction that ultimately splits him in two. Maybe if they would have shown how the ghosts became ghosts we could have had something. This scene however was superb.
- Mr. Pratt’s Bug ProblemClip from YouTube.com
All Mr. Pratt wanted was a nice, clean germ-free atmosphere. He’s cruel, mean-spirited and just wants to be left alone by anyone and everything. But we know that can’t happen right? Would make for a pretty boring horror story, no? So let’s fill his place with say a gazillion cockroaches, sit back and watch the fun! This scene will have you feeling imaginary creepy crawly things long after the movie ends.
- 1/2 Off Sale!Clip from YouTube.com
This scene must truly be seen to be appreciated. The movie is not even 15 minutes old when it starts - the opening credits have just barely finished! The scene is a flashback to the Queen Mary that shows how most of the guests were killed on the dance floor through an intricate series of events (that we find out later were set in place on purpose). The looks on the faces of the people as they grasp for their loved ones as well as themselves was terrifying - not to mention the scenes ending with the ship’s captain. Very brutal.
- Laser ShowClip from YouTube.com
A long time player (and loser) and the video game, and this movie was actually a pleasant surprise. A bit more than just a normal zombie movie, in this scene we have three commandos enter a chamber to have the chamber door shut behind them. One by one each commando dies do to lasers moving throughout the room. The last death however, of commando leader James (Colin Salmon) is especially unique as the lasers turn into a huge inescapable grid.
- Tar Has An AppetiteClip from YouTube.com
This scene has terrified me for over 20 years and I honestly thought I had those nightmarish visions blockaded in the recesses of my mind until I unearthed this video clip. The scene is part of a short called “The Raft” in which 4 teenagers swim out to a wooden dock in the middle of the lake to presumably make out and do teenage stuff. Well low and behold, the lake is also inhabited by a huge blob of black goo that unfortunately has an appetite. One by one the teens get “eaten,” however the attached clip only shows the first. It amazes me that even after 2 of the teens are dead, that the remaining male still feels horny enough to try and take advantage of the sleeping female - with disastrous results.
- Highway To HellClip from YouTube.com
This scene wins the award for hitting the most bonuses in one scene. The scene starts with four teenagers travelling on a highway on their way to a camping trip. During the highway jaunt, the camera shows various characters in different vehicles as they travel behind a huge logging truck. Sure enough, the chain breaks holding the logs onto the truck, causing them to fly off onto the highway, thereby causing a monumental crash that in the end, didn’t happen at all.
Oct
24
Week of Lists: The Dance Party
by Leslie
Julia and I had Dance Party Time today. This was our song list for today.
Down On The Corner by Creedence Clearwater Revival
The Duba Song a.k.a. HMMMBop by Hanson
Daddy’s Song a.k.a. You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate
Captain Crash And The Beauty Queen From Mars by Bon Jovi
Oct
23
Week of Lists: List of Lists
by Leslie
If you weren’t already aware, I like lists. They’re fun to write and they make just about anything intriguing to read. I’ve been cruising around, enjoying lots of list posts, lately and felt inspired to write a few of my own. Then I thought, “Hey, I’ll just dedicate a whole week to it. I’ll call it: WEEK OF LISTS.” I was so delighted with my grand idea, I could hardly contain my mirth…until I sat down to write my first list. My enthusiasm fizzled and my well of creativity ran dry. Everything I thought and all the things I tried to write just didn’t seem to work. Dave tried to help (*denotes suggestions by him). Here’s a list of a few of the ideas I’m considering for this week.
Favorite Interpretive Dance Songs (with a sample video included?). While I’m not formally trained, I love to create interpretive dance routines to popular songs. I’ve never performed publicly, but I get the feeling that I’m really good.
Guilty Pleasures. This list may be a bit overdone, but it’s so delicious I don’t think I can resist.
Favorite/Least Favorite Euphemisms and/or Colloquialisms. It’s six one way, half a dozen the other.
*Best/Grossest Movie Death Scenes. You know, because it’s Halloweenie.
Possible Explanations For The Bizarro Husband Phenomena. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, lately. The Bizarro Husband struck again last night. This time he was creating opportunities for female houseguests to walk in on him naked and making disparaging comments about me to another woman on the phone. Perhaps it is a result of my insecurity, a fear of abandonment, or consumption of a Mini Chips Ahoy! Go-Pack! and a Diet Dr. Pepper right before bed. It might help to sort it all out in list form.
Things I Want My Daughter To Know. If she could learn from all the mistakes I’ve made, she’ll be just about perfect.
If you have a suggestion, have at it in the comments. I can use all the help I can get!
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I Write A Haiku Each Day
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Categories
- Daily Haiku
- Mommy’s Stuff
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You Should Do This
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
