1. Eat all of the Wheat Thins and then put the empty box back in the cupboard. This way, I can feel extra disapointed when I open the box and find the crumbs staring up at me saying “See what you missed?”

2. Instead of taking out the trash when the can is full, keep jamming the refuse in there. Stack some garbage on top, perferably wet or soggy items so I can get showered with slop when I take the trash out.

3. When I say, “I’m having a bad day,” sing that song by Daniel Powter to me.

4. Use the kitchen sink as your trash can. Fill it with dishes, chunks of leftover food, napkins, food wrappers, banana peels, the works. Make sure to run some water so it’ll be nice and gross when I clean it up.

5. Leave swirly skid marks in the toilet. Just completely ignore the toilet brush that has been placed right beside it for your convenience.

6. Explode stuff in the microwave. Leave it for me to clean up.

7. Tell me the cat just puked on the floor in the bathroom. Walk me to it and point it out, but do not clean it up. Let me do it.

8. Give my daughter a popsicle for breakfast.

9. Do not replace the toilet paper roll when it runs out. Just leave the cardboard tube.

10. Ask me, “Do you mind if I ______?” Then when I tell you that I do mind and would rather you didn’t, do it anyway.