Operation BuzzKill

by Leslie

I think Dave was a frog in a past life. He is terribly uneasy and distracted whenever a fly is around.

I think his issues stem from an incident where a bird had flown into our chimney and died while I was in the hospital having Julia. About 3 days in to my 5 day hospital stay, he went home to grab a shower and was met with the unpleasant stench of our dead feathered friend. When he set out to investigate the source of the odor, he was overcome by a swarm of flies after opening the fireplace flue. Since then, he is unwilling to endure the existence of flies and has enacted a plan to systematically decimate them.

His accuracy of capture is uncanny. (Think Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid.) He’ll stay very still, tracking them with his eyes until CLAP! They fall dead to the ground, destroyed by the crushing force of his intolerant hands.

The other night, he was in the bedroom getting dressed for work when he noticed a fly rocketing around near the ceiling. He cued the song “Bodies” by Drowning Pool, stood up on the bed, and positioned himself in the smack zone. After a few failed murderous attempts, he turned to step off the bed and was hit in the head by a ceiling fan blade. The blow was delivered with such force that it knocked him down on his back.

Score one for the fly.

Dave was now more determined than ever to purge our home of the evil fly menace.

It was a long, hard-fought battle that brought forth the fly’s demise and a few light fixture casualties, but Dave’s peace of mind outweighed the losses. He could go to work knowing his family was safe from harm.

I packed him a hero’s lunch and congratulated him on his valiant efforts as he put on his coat and picked up his briefcase. I opened the door to walk him out, but paused to reach back and grab my sweater.

Just then, a fly sailed through the doorway, past my head and over Dave’s shoulder into the house. I gasped and he groaned. We were speechless.

The next day, I was working in the kitchen and Julia was having a lollipop while we were waiting for Dave to get home. She wandered off into the next room for a few moments and then reappeared.

“Look at this, Mom,” she said, approaching slowly, keeping her focus on her lollipop. I bent down to see what was up and found the fly, stuck to her root beer Dum Dum.

The child is definitely her father’s daughter.

Posted in Mommy's Stuff |

Comments

6 Cool Kids Came To Play

Joshua Xalpharis on November 15, 2006 6:30 am
Charles Darwin rolled over in his grave when Dave was clocked by the ceiling fan.

Homo Sapien did not rise to the top of the food chain to be defeated by Jeff Goldblum! Scratch that, to be defeated by a common housefly!

Now, Dave did prevail. Chalk one up for the human race.
Kelley on November 15, 2006 9:43 am
Poor Dave! My husband can do that grab-them-in-mid-air move, too. Who says men have lost their primal hunting instincts?

Have you ever seen those “tennis racquet” fly zappers? I totally want one; I think that would be some terrific fun.
Dana on November 15, 2006 11:06 am
Oh my gosh, I’m rolling with laughter! That is funny!

I hate flies, too. They are so freakin’ annoying!
vasilisa on November 16, 2006 12:58 am
LOL!

I hate flies too… But I think they bring out the instinctive protective thing in men. Whenever there is a fly in the house, my hubs gets very serious, and is on the mission. No fly can escape his wrath…
Faith on November 16, 2006 10:30 pm
ROFL maybe it’s a guy thing. A chance to stretch their neanderthalness a little bit and go on a “hunt.”

I spit milk through my nose when I read about the celing fan though.
This Eclectic Life on April 29, 2007 5:30 am
Major league good story!