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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
Apr
13
Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me
by Leslie
We moved into our new home in September and since then, I’ve had some trouble finding friends. I’ve met a lot of nice people, moms especially, but haven’t made that special friendship connection…until two weeks ago.
I’d been getting to know one of the moms from Jumpercize class at the YMCA through one minute conversations between Ring Around The Rosie and the squishy mat obstacle course. I had liked her right away. She was a friendly woman with a pleasant smile and a love for her daughter that seemed to surround them with light. We were close in age, as were our girls, and we shared the experience of being married to men with uncommon work schedules. She was the aquaintance with the most friend potential I’d met so far and I was eager to get to know her more.
After class that day two weeks ago, we had the opportunity to chat and it was one of the best conversations I’d ever had. We had similar ideas about parenting and the experiences we wanted to offer our children as they grew up. We talked about the places we like to go and the things we like to do and found that both of our families had an interest in geocaching. Dave and I had been doing it for a while and this mom and her family wanted to give it a try. I excitedly offered to let her borrow our geocaching equipment and invited her and her family to come out caching with us some weekend. She seemed delighted by the idea. The kids were starting to get restless, so we said our good-byes and agreed to exchange phone numbers the following week. As she headed off to her car, I met up with Dave who said, “Wow, you were talking a long time. She’s probably thinking she’ll never come back to avoid that crazy talking lady.”
When we reached the car and I realized that I’d been talking with her for an hour, I started to worry. Maybe he was right. We talked for an hour. I started to replay our conversation in my mind - did I miss any signals that she was trying to get out of there? Dave just laughed and said, “Don’t be silly. I was just joking with you. I’m glad you found a friend.”
The following week, I arrived at Jumpercize with my contact information printed neatly on a piece of pretty pink stationary, but the mom never showed. She wasn’t there again this week. Is it possible that I frightened her away? I don’t know. Maybe they’re sick or have something going on, but I can’t help but think I freaked her out. Now I’m very self-conscious and practicing how to greet people in the mirror Mary Catherine Gallagher style.
Maybe I should stick to blogging. I think I’m a bit more likeable in this medium.
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I’m sure it’s not that you scared her away… but I’m always known to second-guess myself, too! Especially when you’re so excited to finally have found a friend! I know the feeling… we moved last September, too, and there are not a lot of people/couples my age around to hang out with. And don’t worry about your new friend - I bet she’ll be there next time with her valid reason for having been absent!
- Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls
You seriously sound like me. I met a mom at soccer the other day and I’m sure we could have become good friends (after all we were in the same boat…left out of the soccer mom group a few steps down) but I didn’t talk too much for fear of scaring her off.
I’ve yet to find a good friend here and we’ve been here since Jan 2005. Ugh! I thought the hubs and I had found a couple friendship a few months ago but I guess they are not that into us. LOL.
I’m sure your mom friend just has something going on. I guess you will see soon enough.
It’s not you. She was abducted by aliens. I know this because it happened to me. I use to take my daughter to ballet. This mom use to talk to me every week. Then she and her daughter just stopped showing up to class. Poof! Gone.
Ah, Leslie, I like you. We don’t live all that far away from each other (what’s five or six hours anyway?). I will come to your Jumpercize class and talk with you.
You guys geocache? Oh we’ve done that and it’s a blast. One time we did a family one where my parents went to Hawaii two weeks before we did and planted clues all over the island that we found two weeks later. What fun.
And I’d totally invite you over for lunch if you lived by me–thinking of moving to Alaska any time soon?
Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you. Here’s a little perspective from the other side. Last semester at Sister’s Little Gym class I met a another nice mama whom I liked very much. We spoke briefly on several occasions and even planned to place our children in the same class this semester. Due to some unexpected changes in our schedule we quit going and I never had a chance to give her an explanation. I felt bad about it but sometimes life just happens.
I had the wonderful pleasure to be asked to join Play Group before your move and I can tell you that there was never a time that I didn’t enjoy talking with you nor do I think you talk too much. We always came back every week (that’s proof). We miss you!
I think you’re awesome and I’m sure if I knew you in real life I’d think the exact same thing.
I don’t make friends easily, mostly because they’re too much effort to be honest. And I’ve only ever found 2 people I really can be myself around comfortably.
I also know that I would definitely enjoy being friends in real life and would thoroughly enjoy talking with you…
I also have those times when I run the whole conversation through my mind, over and over again. It drives me bonkers and my hubby too, but it always ends up that there was nothing wrong. If it is any consolation, there is a horrible stomach bug going around here, and we have been home all week because of it…maybe that happened to them too!!
I’m sure, by now, it’s all worked out, and you girls are friends. But if not, remember what Mom always said about boys. You always find a boyfriend when you don’t need one.
Oh….doll! I don’t think you scared her away. I think you are wonderful and I’m sure she does, too.
But if she is avoiding you, she doesn’t know who she’s missing.
Wouldn’t it be nice if all our fave bloggers were our neighbors? We’d have tons of friends!
Don’t take it personally. You’re a wonderful woman who has her heart in the right place. Just remember that truth, and judge everyone’s actions accordingly.
Some people are afraid of new friends and people. If she’s the kind of person who’s scared of new friends, you’re not the problem or the reason. It’s her issue.
Just keep on being yourself - don’t allow her to make you more reserved. You’ll meet people who are as open and sincere as yourself.
Okay, that sounds exactly like me! After comversations with other moms at various activities, I always replay them over and over in my mind, wondering if I said something that sounded stupid or desperate or clingy. I asked my husband if men do that, and he assured me that they don’t. He suggested that maybe I was nuts. I always thought that I was completely neurotic, but apparently this kind of thing is more common than I thought. *whew*
[…] Sometime in March - I make friends with a mom at the YMCA. Our daughters become friends, too. I am very excited. Making friends has been hard for me. […]
Wouldn’t it be great if we could make friends like our kids do? You know the old Jerry Seinfeld line: ‘You like ice-cream? I love ice-cream! Let’s be best friends!’ It’s only when we become grown-ups that friendships become harder, particularly when you move to a new area. But I find kids are the perfect excuse to meet other parents, and they are always conversation-starters! Once my daughter, then 4, bossily took me by hand to meet the mother of one of her friends at her gymnastics class and said: ‘Look this is my Mum. Now you can talk to each other!’ And it worked!