Jun
23
Shiny
by Leslie
Taken from my front porch steps.
Jun
22
I’m Giving You A Longing Look*
by Leslie
Today is the day I become 31. It is my birthday, and for my birthday, iGot something iLove. Can you guess what it is?
It’s an iPod! YEAH!!! And it is the most magnificent piece of technology I’ve ever held in my chubby little hands. Dave gave it to me a day early since he’s off working this weekend, and I got to break it in during our all day mowing marathon, yesterday.
Lawnmowing + iPod = Pure Joy
I pushed Big Red with a purpose, bouncing to the music and mouthing the words. By the time I hit the front yard, I was belting out those lyrics, twirling, jumping, and kicking with my mechanical dance partner. It wasn’t until our neighbor drove by that I considered things might be getting out of hand. Moves like that probably aren’t especially safe while mowing, but then I said, “You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind. ‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they dont’ dance, well they’re no friends of mine.” And,
iPod(Leslie + Big Red) + Copacabana = HOT
so, I didn’t stop.
After a long day, we slept together last night. I awoke this morning with sore ears. I reached up to touch them and felt the little iBuds still jammed deep in my ear holes and iPod was tucked lovingly between my arm and my breast.
Today, I’m walking on air.
*Everyday I Write The Book by Elvis Costello is currently my “most played” song with 44 plays and counting…
Jun
21
Burn, Baby! Burn!
by Leslie
Can you feel the heat? Do you hear the sizzle? Dave says this is what happens when you drop F-bombs on your blog – God lets you feel the consequences.
And so, to anyone I may have offended yesterday, I’d like to apologize to you, in the form of a rhyme:
Forgive me for my bitchiness, it wasn’t very smart
If I hadn’t let it out, I would have blown apart.
(To be fair, I have to tell you that the above rhyme was inspired by this original rhyme about belching. That author is unknown, although I’d bet it was a boy who wrote it:
Forgive me for my ignorance, it wasn’t very smart
If it came out the other end it would have been a fart.)
And to the brave Secret Squirrels who weren’t afraid to show me love in the comments, those cool kids who still came to play, even when I was prickly, I sing to you:
If you want my love you got it.
When you need my love you got it.
I won’t hide it.
I won’t throw your love away.
Oooooooo!
(That’s a song by Cheap Trick. I didn’t write it. I wish I had, though. Man, that would’ve been sweet.)
Jun
20
13.9% Cranky McGrouchyPants
by Leslie
Most of the time, I’m a happy, easygoing, cheerful person. But not today. I’m moody today. Well, to be honest, I’m at the tail end of a 3 day “I’m moody” bender.
But, if you came here looking for something to make you smile, check out the kittens.
Aren’t they adorable? Did they make you smile?
See, I’m not a bad person. I took pictures of kittens. For you. I’m a good person. I’m just in a bad mood and if you don’t want to lose your buzz from all that cuteness up there, you may want to click away, because I’m going to take part in some targeted venting.
Okay, so I don’t want you to click away, but I want you to be warned. Usually I’m all flowers and rainbows and let’s dance naked around the fire! Or maybe I’m just not bitchy. But right now I am. But I still love you! But I’m bitchy. And that’s okay. We’re all bitchy sometimes.
Alright. Here it comes. The venting.
To the woman who keeps questioning and commenting on the fact that my daughter wears Pull-Ups: Freakshow, you’re starting to creep me out. Why the obsession with my child’s undergarments and bathroom habits? She’s three (well, nearly three) and still has a little trouble holding her pee. You are at least ten times her age and can’t seem to hold your tongue. I’m telling you, the latter is more offensive. The next time you say something, I’m giving you a wedgie.
To the woman who is concerned that I am over-scheduling my daughter in activities and spending too much money on them: Hey Jealousy, your child spends 24 hours per week in preschool. My child spends 6 hours per week in organized activities outside our home. I say potato… Additionally, your Wii cost more than my daughter’s whole summer of activities. Is it really about the amount of money spent? It seems that we just chose to spend our money differently. So step off, sucka! Or at least invite me over to play with your Wii.
To my uterus: A haiku
Why do you hate me?
I’m trying to knock you up.
Please, stop with the cramps.
To the Lowes associate who keeps screwing up the delivery of my new grill:
JUST GIVE ME MY FUCKING GRILL, BITCH!
Now, I’m outta here. I’ve got work to do. There’s a giant zit on Dave’s shoulder that’s calling, “Take your anger out on me! Please!”
Jun
17
To David, On Father’s Day
by Leslie
I will never forget the way you looked the day our daughter was born. You told me that you’d never been so proud and I believed you. Your smile that day was like none I’d seen before, but one I’ve seen almost every day since. It’s the smile I see when you look at Julia.
When we learned that we were going to be parents, I was confident that you would be a good father. You’ve surpassed that expectation. You are an amazing father.
You are loved and appreciated more than you may ever know.
This is for you.
Happy Father’s Day.
Stuff I Do
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Stuff You Should Do
You know, Stuff.
