John Tesh Is My Svengali

by Leslie

I am tired. And nauseated. I can’t put my toothbrush in my mouth without revisiting my breakfast.

I have a giant zit on my chin. It is so huge, it is practically taking over my face. It thumps and throbs like it has a blinking neon sign attached to it. ZIT HERE! My pregnancy calendar told me that pregnancy hormones may cause my face to break-out. I think I’ll print that message on the paper bag I’ll be wearing over my head today.

I think I’m feeling especially icky because I had such a busy weekend and I’m just so tired.

Friday night, I was busy being especially sick. While the rest of the family ate dinner, I laid in bed sipping lemonade, thanking God for my pregnancy symptoms which seem to indicate that I am still pregnant, yet begging for a little relief. Just enough to swallow a cracker.

My body is a complete enigma right now. Eating is a struggle because I seem to be nauseous about 18 hours out of the day, but nothing is happening at the other end either. At least nothing without crying and bloodshed. Poop. Who needs it? Not me. I’ll just stop doing it. I wonder…could they surgically remove it? Could I have a p-section? I think I need one because this stuff just ain’t coming out on its own.

In less disgusting news, my cousin was married on Saturday. We traveled 175 miles to share in the festivities and another 175 miles to sleep in our own beds. The trip was exhausting, but worth it, if only to watch Julia boogie on the dance floor. That kid has got the music in her.

Sunday, I forced myself out of bed to travel 75 miles to see my friend Amy. She was having a mommy get-together and offered to teach me to knit. Since all the cool kids are knitting (like Angela), I thought I’d like to learn. I showed up with a fruit tray (I’d been too tired to create a dish on my own, plus, I suspected that fruit was something I could actually digest), my size 10 and very chic bamboo knitting needles, a skein of very soft and very classy yarn, and every intention of walking out of there wearing a scarf I’d manufactured with my very own hands.

I walked out with two broken bamboo knitting needles and an unraveled ball of yarn.

Okay, I didn’t break my knitting needles. I felt like it, though. I broke them in my mind. People, this knitting. It’s hard. I can cast on. I’m AWESOME at casting on. I could teach a class about casting on. I’m so brilliant at that part. It’s the actual knitting. I just….I just…can’t seem to do it. But, I will not give up. I’ve been downloading videos, reading my mom’s old knitting books from 1969 and trying again and again and again. I’ll get it. Eventually. One very victorious day, you will visit this blog and see a big, bold photograph of a scarf made by me and it will be glorious.

I also discovered that the baby loves to eat chocolate chip cheese ball stuff that Amy employs angels from heaven to create on her behalf. A lot. But, after thinking it over, that baby decided to send it back on the way home.

That’s okay baby, it was fun while it lasted.

So now, here I am. Monday morning and I haven’t near the energy I need to start the week. I need a vacation. A vacation that involves me, a dark room and a very comfortable bed.

Oh, speaking of beds! Here’s a tidbit I learned from John Tesh while I was on the road: You shouldn’t keep a mattress longer than 7 or 8 years. It will actually double its weight during its lifetime due to the sweat, dust and other gross crap it absorbs. It’s true. John Tesh told me. I think I believe him. He is a robot after all. He knows lots of facts.

John Tesh also told me that in order to become successful, I should solicit feedback. I contemplated that advice while driving into the sunset singing, “Take It To The Limit” by The Eagles. I thought I’d create a feedback form. (Also, Karly had a quiz on her blog last week and I like to be like Karly.) So, what do you guys think of me? How is my blogging? Help John Tesh help me and complete this quick seven question feedback form. Don’t worry. It’s anonymous.

Posted in Mommy's Stuff |

Comments

7 Cool Kids Came To Play

heathersway on September 10, 2007 11:21 am
I just know you will be knitting me sweaters by next Fall. I like greens and dark blues.

Also, it sucks to be preggo-sick and I hope you get past this stage soon.
Chris H on September 10, 2007 3:12 pm
Oh man, I am so sorry you are suffering so much with the morning sickness, all I can say is.. it will be worth it at the end eh? Hope it doesn’t last too much longer.
Jen in MI on September 10, 2007 6:46 pm
Two words - stewed fruit. Really. Lots of it. And lots of water - always. I hope you can get some REST. Huge hugs!
Karly on September 10, 2007 9:15 pm
Feel better! Oh, and knit me something.
Daddy Forever on September 10, 2007 9:22 pm
That’s a lot of traveling when you’ve got morning sickness. I hope it calms down soon.
SusieJ on September 11, 2007 7:17 am
Suck lemons. That helps. I was sick every time.
Leia on October 28, 2008 7:35 am
Good post.