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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
Oct
10
The Best Little Whorehouse On Baltic
by Leslie
Julia was extra-super good at her piano class today, so Dave and I decided to reward her with lunch at her favorite eatery.
Or maybe I suggested we grab a bite to eat and let Julia pick the place because I knew she’d choose McDonald’s and that’s where I really wanted to go.
Once it was settled, I told Dave, “I want a Big Mac meal.”
“Wouldn’t you rather go to Wendy’s for a Baconator?”
“Nah.”
“Preganancy cravings?”
“No. Monopoly. You get extra game pieces with the Big Mac meal.”
Yeah, Monopoly. The only thing that could come between me and a Baconator. It started at McDonald’s on October 2 and, since then, I’ve been there as often as I can, in good conscience, to play the game.
Let me warn you, if you’re thinking about telling me that fast food is bad for you and judge judge judge and preach preach preach, just stop. Don’t say a word. You’re up against MONOPOLY. You cannot win. Not with truth. Not with logic. NOT WITH ANYTHING!
I am fully aware that the child I’m carrying may be born with red hair and a clown nose. I completely expect that when the doctor puts that Doppler on my belly next week, we’ll hear “Ba-da Ba Ba Baaa I’m lovin’ it.” But, it’s MONOPOLY! And it’s pure marketing genius.
And this is why McDonald’s perplexes me. How can they give me something as wonderful and perfect as Monopoly, then turn around and hand my child something like this?
Luckily, Julia was busy in the play area when we opened her Happy Meal and discovered this prize.
I took her out of her plastic package and showed her to Dave.
“Girlfriend is wearing a whole lotta make-up, isn’t she?”
He took her from my hand, looked her over and said, “She’s not wearing much either. I don’t like how short her skirt is,” and handed her back.
“Bare midriff…look at those ‘ooooh’ lips. She looks like a prostitute,” I said and looked closer. A little shocked, I held her up to Dave, “David. Look at her lips. And her chin. And her neck.”
He leaned in closer.
I pointed and said, “She looks like a prostitute that just finished a job, if ya know what I mean.”
“Oh my goodness. Does she have a pearl necklace?”
I don’t know about you all, but it looked that way to me. It seems funny that people who would go to so much trouble to give this little toy the detail of having holes in her ears so you can tell they are pierced, would get so darn sloppy with their glue.
We decided not to give her to Julia. Instead, I hid her with our stash of sex toys. You know, where she’d feel at home.
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16 Cool Kids Came To Play
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I Write A Haiku Each Day
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Hurts So Good
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Categories
- Daily Haiku
- Mommy’s Stuff
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You Should Do This
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
Um, what? YOU have a stash of SEX TOYS? You always seem so sweet and innocent and then you throw something like that out there. Now I’m curious as to how big your stash is. I mean, are we talking butt plugs and whips? Or just like furry handcuffs?
That’s nothing compared to some of the dolls I saw at Target recently. Pretty sound they will sell doll condoms as accessories.
Ewwww… is that a creepy Bratz? Because those are banned at my house. In any form. I won’t even let Zoe get a Bratz toothbrush… I’m Nazi about it. I hate them! And if people would stop buying such hideous, slutty stuff for their daughters, maybe they would finally go away.
Bratz are banned here, too. This doll was just a random Happy Meal toy.
OMG!!!!! Hilarious!!!
Pearl necklace?!!!!
Man I thought I had heard everything….I am married to a trucker, you know?:)
Do you and Dave EVER stop laughing? I’m so jealous of your conversations… except we have those too. Isn’t being married to a funny, loving man just THE best?? BTW… did you get the invite to The Buzz? I haven’t seen you there yet, but I haven’t been there much, either… I had a “mom” visit.
Seriously, this was in the happy meal? wtf? I know I’m naive ’cause mine is only seven months old, but I really can’t believe that someone decided this was a appropriate prize. I’m sure all of you dealing with the Bratz thing are laughing, but I’m just now starting to become aware of this crap.
What the hell is wrong with them to put a toy like that in a Happy Meal? It’s a Happy Meal not a Happy Ending!
It’s no mystery why girls in our country have eating disorders, look at the size of her waist…or is it just relative to the size of her boobs? I can’t tell, her blue eyeshadow is blinding me.
Gotta love a good BigMac every once in a while, I’m such a sucker for their breakfast sammies.
That is the truth! I hate those dolls and think they are obscene. Remember the big fuss about Barbie? Well, at least there is no “Crack Whore Barbie” on the market.
Great point Pam — she’s not eating that junk food she’s promoting. Leslie, that is so funny. I would have choked on my big mac.
Sometimes you just gotta go with the “boy” toy.
Omigod! It did look like s miniature sex doll … tsk tsk … must be the reason why I never brought a BRATZ doll.
The Bratz are evil.
I’m so glad that I’m not the only mom who encourages her children to pick a meal because she secretly wants McDonald’s.
But what I do is go through the drive-through and order one regular meal for the two of them and say that they “forgot” the toys because I am so SICK of the LAME toys they give out. Plus, it’s cheaper.
Hi! Thanks for the heads up on this post. Can I include a link to your post in my letter to McDonalds? If it’s okay, or not, you can email me at lmnessel at gmail dot com or you can leave another comment on my blog. Thanks!
Ahhh! Monopoly… now I know why hubby got a Big Mac the other day when not two months ago he couldn’t find a single nice thing to say about the “special sauce.”
We’re on the anti-Bratz bandwagon too.