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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
Nov
29
Have you ever had some little thing on your mind, slowly eating away at your heart until you think you might not be able to love anymore if you don’t let it go? I have one of those things. It’s a little thing, really. An itty bitty teensy tiny thing that is making me crazy.
John Tesh says a positive way to let go of bad feelings is to write your ugly thoughts in a letter and then rip it up. But why would I do that when I could blog about it?
So, I’m going to get this thing off my chest right here and now. But before I can do that, I’ve got to give you a little background information. The background information will be in italics. Because I’m fancy.
It was my first Christmas Eve with Dave’s family. I was three months pregnant and incredibly nervous. I really didn’t know these people. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
The one thing I did know is that they would be exchanging gifts, so I made a huge effort to bring something special for every member. Since I didn’t know his family very well, it was difficult to find just the right thing. Plus, money was tight. So, I decided to make homemade gift baskets. I filled them with five kinds of cookies I’d made from scratch and my very special straight-from-the-deepest-part-of-my-heart buckeyes. And I included a personalized ornamet and lottery tickets (as Dave informed me that his people like that sort of thing). I shrunk-wrapped the baskets, for a crisp and professional look, and decorated them with ribbons.
It took two straight days of work, but it was worth it. The baskets were beautiful. They were the boldest statement of warmth and caring I’ve ever seen. I looked forward to the moment I would give them out.
I shouldn’t have.
The general reception of the gift baskets was spiritless, at best. Although, there were two memorable responses.
The first, and the one I most like to remember, was from my sister-in-law Pam. She gushed over her basket. She opened it. She sampled the treats and raved about my buckeyes. She said, “Thank you.”
The second was from my father-in-law. It was simple, but effective. He pushed his away from him and said, “I don’t eat this shit.”
One of my nephews agreed to take it off his hands.
I managed to say, “There’s an ornament that says ‘Grandpa’ in there. You may want to grab that.”
And then I spent the next few hours fighting the urge to both cry and vomit. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. It was, without a doubt, the worst Christmas Eve of my entire life.
A few weeks ago, I would have told you that I was over that ghost of Christmas past. That I’d forgiven it all away. But, I hadn’t forgotten. I had learned that a gift from my heart was wasted on people who don’t seem to understand that I have one. And so, I now choose to share those special homemade items with the people who touch my heart. You know, good friends, beloved family and the people who pay me to make them.
But then two weeks ago happened.
I’d packed up a boxful of buckeye orders for Dave to deliver at work. I’d had two extra orders, so I included them since Dave is usually able to unload the extras.
When Dave arrived home late the next day, I asked how the deliveries went and if he’d gotten rid of the extras. He told me, “A guy at work grabbed a box and I gave the other one to my father.”
It was at that moment I knew that ghost of Christmas past could still haunt me.
“You gave it to your father?”
“Yeah.”
“The guy who ‘doesn’t eat that shit?’ You gave my buckeyes to him.”
Dave said he had forgotten about that. I didn’t. I realize now, I probably never will. I still feel hurt and angry. I still feel all those things I felt on that Christmas Eve.
And now, I’m still a little miffed that Dave gave them away like that.
Okay, I’m more than miffed. I’m deeply offended. I mean, David! How could you?!?!
I’m trying to be understanding. After all, I can’t completely remember, but it’s possible I served up a few buckeyes when I got all caught up in the Christmas spirit last year. Still, I’m upset about it.
I ask you, dear readers, am I a lunatic for being so bothered by this? Would you agree that I deserve to have this made up to me - say, in foot massages?
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Oh. my. gawd! I am SOOOO thankful to have sweet loving and immediately accepting inlaws. All of them. I felt welcomed into the fold from day one. John gets it a little from my side but he gives it too and nothing to the rudeness and cruelty that is your father in law. You poor girl!
I wouldn’t use the word lunatic!! Sweetly sensitive about your from the heart baked goods? Hell yes and hell to the yes on the foot massage too.
I made buckeyes once. Sweet memories. Those things are SO damn good. In fact, I think Friday, this Friday to be specific is going to be BuckEye day in Nash-ville.
Well, of course you deserve foot massages! That goes without saying.
How has the FIL been since then? Was it extreme thoughtlessness in a monent, the way he is (permanent thoughtlessness), or someone who tries to be hurtful?
From all accounts though, it looks like he raised a kind and good man.
Foot rubs and back massages I say. There is no reason for rudeness, no matter what. I would still be upset in your position.
We (I) have some issues with my FIL. Like he won’t leave well enough alone and he bitches about me behind my back. He also reads my blog. Bastard. Sorry to unload in your comments.
Oh, I don’t blame you at all! That’s awful and I would still be completely upset. I think you are a saint to still go there for holidays. Foot rubs, back massages, all cravings honored immediately - you name it, you deserve it.
Oh, Jerseygirl. I’m not a saint. I don’t go there for the holidays. Although, I did have them down here last year.
Oh, Leslie, you are replaying some early times of my marriage/courtship. I’ll write you. HUGE hugs. And keep in mind that Dave CAN’T see his family in the same eyes that you do (unless he’s really, really unusual).
I have to say your father-in-law wasn’t very nice. He should just have said thank you. But I’m not sure if you should be mad at Dave. It’s hard for a guy to be mad at their own dad. Then again, you could without sex from Dave until he makes it up to you.
I’m not sure my opinion on the matter is that valid, not having had to know the man (and gosh he sounds fun–your father in law that is). But I’m guessing there’s not much you can do–someone who says those kinds of things won’t suddenly wake up and say, “Gosh that was rude of me, I’d better apologize” which is what you’re probably looking for.
It’s tough but I would say try to forget it. Otherwise you’ll expend extra energy on a not-so-nice man and accomplish nothing. I see this with my husband. His family is difficult, his father couldn’t care less if Andrew–or any of us–are alive yet I’ve watched my husband accept his dad for who he is and not let the man get him down. I don’t think I could do that but it’s been a good example to me when I get hurt by the small things my own family does. As for your husband, I wouldn’t get mad at him over it, he probably sees things a little differently than you do on the issue but obviously cares for you and Julia very much. Remember that poem??
I would totally feel the same as you BUT don’t be mad at Dave. I am sure his intent wasn’t to hurt you. I mean, come on, this guy LOVES you. ***remember the poem***:)
What Daves Dad did was incredibly rude & tactless but as I always say “Rise above.” Be the better person. ( You could always use chocolate ExLax to make his buckeyes next year):P
You deserve more than a footrub or too. I would have never let that go either. I have a similar story about the winch my dad married. Even if they didn’t like the gift (which apparently they did and just wanted to treat you like poo) it’s nice to just say thank you and put it off to the side. When no one is looking, give it to the nephew or whoever. I am so sorry that someone hurt you like that. I would be just upset even if it was 20 years ago. *HUGS*
I would not be able to hold my tongue the next time I saw him! I would say something like, “So, Dave tells me you eat shit.” And then just walk away. He and Dave would be left together to figure it out. I know that that probably isn’t going to happen so I’m glad that you have an outlet to get it off your chest.
I would have cried on the spot. Jon’s parents disliked me when Jon and I were dating. In fact, his father never spoke a word to me until we finally got married. He is so sweet to me now… but those things are tough to get over. Just thank your lucky stars that Dave didn’t turn out like his father.
Last year I made my MIL a very special and big scrapbook of pictures of her mother. GIL had died 2 years ealrier and MIL was devastetd. She only said thank you…then went on to gush about hand towels someone else bought her. My husband was shocked and I cried all the way home. I will NEVER make her anything from the heart again.
I’d be pissed. I’d be super duper pissed. I don’t think you are nuts at all. Your FIL was a jerk.
I’m so sorry you were treated like crap. Most of us have been there. Something is wrong with a person who does not appreciate a gift truly from the heart.
I’d never buy him a gift ever again. Seriously.
[…] I told him about my knot – he said he had it too. I remember that Michelle said she loves the smell of pine needles when she vacuums. I do too. But I was ready to plunge in anyway and get the tree. Kell-O did it, so I can too. And Leslie said, it just makes so much sense. But he wasn’t moving. And he, is the more impulsive one. […]
That man definitely does NOT deserve your buckeyes! I just don’t understand how somebody could be so blatantly rude and how the rest of the family just sat around and let it happen.
I hold grudges too, I don’t know how to let them go.
If anyone gave me a beautiful Christmas basket like that I would gush like I’ve never gushed before. Your FIL? A dick. Yes, I said it, a DICK!
Don’t be too hard on Dave though. If that is his Dad he has probably experienced worse over the years and is just desensitized to the dickishness. That said, footrubs are always a good idea!
Bring those feet over here baby. I’ve got ya covered.
very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
Idetrorce
What fantastic baskets! They way outdo what I usually come up with, though I try to make up for it in creative contents. As for FIL, do spare some sympathy for Dave who has probably had to put up with much worse for most of his life. That he has turned out to be so sweet and loving is a testimony to the strength of his spirit. One of these days I will share my MIL-from-Hell stories. But I try and bury most of those feelings as I have to play supportive wife these days. But I am sure something will set me off soon (we have had a long quiet period so it is bound to come about).
As my Momma says, “There is an extra star in your crown in heaven for this, even if you are not appreciated on this earth!”