Nov
30
Bad Mama In The Hizzouse!
by Leslie
Julia has been a real Mini-Mom, lately.
This morning, after getting out of the bath, I dried off, put a towel on the toilet lid and sat down. (Morning sickness, ugh.) Then, Julia got out of the tub, dried herself off, put a towel on the lid of her potty and sat down. I started to comb my hair. She started to comb her hair. And on it went throughout the morning.
It was sweet. My little girl wants to be like her Mommy. What a compliment.
Or not.
Sometimes when someone holds a mirror up to you, you may not be happy with what you see.
On the way home from Kindermusik, Julia and I were talking. I must have said something shocking because she got a surprised look on her face and shouted, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!?”
I know. I know! It’s shocking. I know you’re wondering where she heard something like that.
Oh okay, you know where. She heard it from me. I distinctly remember saying it yesterday on the phone, one or five times. In varying tones and inflections.
And if it’s not bad enough that she heard me saying that phrase, my response to her repeating it was no better. I did the one thing you’re not supposed to do when your child says something naughty: I laughed. She was pleased. She said it again. I was still laughing. The third time, I finally pulled the van over, collected myself and talked with her about it.
What did I say? Well, I figured I had two options. I could lie or I could be honest. I decided to lay my cards on the table. I told her that I know she heard me say that word yesterday. I told her that using bad words is bad manners and that Mommy wasn’t using her manners yesterday when she probably should have. I told her that many people – like Grandma and her teachers – find that word offensive, which means they feel bad when they hear someone say it. And so, we need to be very careful about using words like that because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I compared using bad words to burping or leaving a stinker – it might be amusing when we’re at home and one slips out, but with other people or in public, it’s not okay.
What am I going to say? “That’s a bad word and we should never use it!” Well, I don’t believe that. If I did, she wouldn’t have caught me saying it. I’d feel like a fraud taking a stance like that. I mean, how could I ever justify being a George Carlin fan or having Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta in my iPod?
At the same time, I don’t want my three-year old marching around dropping f-bombs.
So, I tried to be as honest with her as I could. I use bad words at times. She knows. She lives with me! But she also knows when I don’t use them.
Julia is wise enough to understand that some behavior is okay here, but not there, or in the presence of this person, but not that person. She understands that certain things, like drinking pop or watching certain shows on television, are okay for grown-ups and not for kids. I think she can handle the idea that there is a place for bad words and that place is not her mouth.
Then, I told her on top of all that, if she says that word, it will get Mommy in big trouble. Then she promised she wouldn’t say it, because she didn’t want to get me in trouble. And I bought her an ice cream cone.
I’m pretty sure this takes me out of the running for Mom of the Year.
Comments
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I’d say it raises your chances to become Mom of the Year! You treated Julia with respect! You didn’t try to cover up your behavior but were a model of honesty. And you showed her, that you trust her jugdement! She´s one lucky girl to have a mom like you!!!!!!!
I think you are a great mom and you showed that by being honest and real with her! We try to do the same.
I think you did an amazing job. I may have to bookmark this post for when Amy comes out with it.
I think you made good choices, etc. And Leslie, I swear that could have been me and C. when he was that age. And he’s doing really well as a young adult now.
Dude. You rock. You were honest. You showed her that you trusted her to be responsible. Good for you.
Now, tell me how I get Cindy-Lu to stop saying “Oh, darn it! Not damn it! I don’t say damn it! I say darn it! Oh, DARN IT!” every time something doesn’t go her way. Because it was funny at first, but now? Its not.
I think you handled it really well. We gave the whole “those aren’t nice words” lecture, so now Ironflower calls me out whenever I mess up. It’s a little humiliating.
I’m in complete agreement with everyone else. Kids totally know when adults are being truthful or when we are just glossing something over for their benefit. The only way to build real trust is to be honest. You did that and she’ll appreciate you for it.
You are still in the running for “Normal Mom of the Year.”
When my son was 4, he got up one morning, came downstairs, sat at the kitchen table, took one look at his bowl of oatmeal & grumbled “I don’t want this fuckin’ shit.”
The funniest thing about it was the shocked look on his face after he said it. The look of ” Oh shit, my brain thought just slipped out of my mouth.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
I think you handled it really well. I had a similar talk with Miss Turtle about those kind of words. When she was younger she would always tell me that I wasn’t supposed to say that when I let one slip.
You sound like a great mom and a beautiful person…. just like your Christmas baskets were beautiful. I think you definitely deserve not only a massage, but a full spa day…..
Jan
Wow, what a great way to address that issue! I think that you handled it beautifully. I will have to remember that one for when the time comes. And with my mouth the time will certainly come.
I think you handled that perfectly. I will remember your words when my time comes.
Nicely done!
John just says “No, I said Tucker, yeah Tucker!” (our dog) and for now, Jaxon still buys it.
However, he has taken to saying “Dammit!” in perfect context and inflection. And “shit” – usually hushed. Sounds exactly like I do when he says it.
Brilliant.
I am one of those who believes we assign far too much power to words and take far too much offense to certain arrangements of letters. That being said, I have taught my kids, just like you are teaching Julia, that there are times and places one should never use certain language. In front of grandma is one, when you are three is another. With teens in the house I don’t fret over the dalliance with the bad words of their childhood. Yes, yes, we now say STUPID in this house and no one gets a mouth washed out with soap. But I do remind them that it’s not okay to use words which just can’t make me flinch in other places. I think it’s a good life lesson for them.
My kids get to fine me 20 cents when I used a “censored” word in front of them. They, on the other hand are fined 50 cents. I have collected only once, from DD1. I paid each of them 140 and 80 cents respectively over the past year. I have a hard time parting with money so this has been a good incentive for me!! BTW, you are back in the running for MotY 2008!!
[...] Julia has been known to utter a naughty word now and then, as documented here and here. Also here. And here. As well as here. And coming soon here: [...]