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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
Dec
19
There was only one thing that went wrong during yesterday’s now famous Playgroup Christmas Party. It was really just a little something, in terms of the time it took to happen. But. It was so embarrassing and traumatic; it has become the reference point by which I will measure my life from this point on.
When was Lucy born? Right after THE INCIDENT. How long have Dave and I been married? Well, it was before THE INCIDENT, so at least X number of years.
You see, I’m a procrastinator. And while I said I spent the last month planning and anticipating the party, which I did, in my head; I did not spend the last month putting those plans into action. I saved the action for the very last possible minute. It’s what perfectionists like me do. We wait until the last minute to do things for fear of failing miserably. I mean, the more time I have to do something, the greater that something I do should be, right? But if I wait until the last moment and then pull off something great under the gun, I can feel good, because I delivered against the odds. I can also tell myself that while what I did was good, it could have been better if I’d had more time. Sure, I’m the one who made it a race against the clock, but that doesn’t matter in crazy Leslie’s brain.
So, I saved the bulk of my housecleaning for the party up until the day before. I mean, who can’t clean 2,000 square feet of dwelling space for four adults, one toddler and four cats in less than 24 hours?
The answer would be me at five months pregnant.
So, around 1 a.m. on Monday night / Tuesday morning, I conceded defeat to the powers of filth and clutter and made a compromise. In other words, I got so freaking tired, I took some shortcuts. I did not wash down all my woodwork; I swiffered it. I did not wash all my windows; I spot cleaned the finger marks. I neither folded and put away my clean laundry, nor did I sort and wash my dirty; I threw it all in my bedroom. I did not repair Julia’s ripped books or clean her dirty toys; I threw them in my bedroom. I did not haul boxes meant for the attic to the attic; I threw them in my bedroom. I then ripped into the boxes while trying to find the Santa sack I’d purchased last year and I neither replaced the items I pulled out of them nor did I restack them in an organized fashion. I also piled a box fan, one humidifier, a sewing stool, various scrapbooking supplies, boxes of photos, books, and cds into my bedroom. After I turned out the light to go to bed and I knocked various unidentifiable items over, I did not pick them up. I just neglected to pick up my feet and, therefore, created a path from the door to my sleeping spot. When I woke in the morning, I did not make the bed. I did not lift a finger in that bedroom. I simply shut the door and gave Julia a very stern warning that the door was not to be opened during playgroup under any circumstances at all.
This meant that during playgroup, Julia opened the forbidden door and invited all of her friends in to hunt for monsters, which one of the other playgroup mothers discovered first. To make matters worse, her daughter was hiding in there for the monster hunt and did not want to come out. So, she had to go and get her out. She not only viewed the scene but had to go in and experience my pit of humiliation and retrieve her child.
I was mortified.
I’m not certain what my next step should be. A written apology? Perhaps I should just let it go so as not to draw more attention to it. Or now that the room is clean, perhaps I could invite her over and be certain that she walks past the open door to see the now spotless bedroom to prove that I’m not as negligent as that room may have insinuated. And my unborn baby really was not conceived in a pig sty.
I don’t know people. I guess what I really need is for you all to tell me that you have a hidden room like that. You do, right? Oh for the love of my sanity, please tell me you do.
Comments
20 Cool Kids Came To Play
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I Write A Haiku Each Day
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Hurts So Good
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Categories
- Daily Haiku
- Mommy’s Stuff
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You Should Do This
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
That sounds suspiciously like what I am planning to do to make the house spotless for Christmas.
It’s bad right?
Darling, I have a basement like that. EVERYTHING goes in there. There are a couple of genuine skeletons in there, I think - People who went in looking for something and never found the exit. The running joke in my family is, “Watch out! If you let that room go it’s going to look like Heather’s basement.” This is not just when I am having people over, it is all the time so I win. You can relax.
don’t worry about it. I bet that mother has done the same thing in the past. You did a lot of work for that party and you’re pregnant….. you’re entitled…… (((HUGS)))
Jan
All of my closets look like that room all the time. You just had one huge temporary closet…with a bed in it…and monsters. No biggy.
My wife hides stuff in the bathtub and closes the (non-see through) shower curtain so people can’t see. Does that count?
Oh honey, everyone has THAT room. And now I am going to tell you something SO GROSS AND DIRTY AND EMBARRASSING ABOUT ME that you will forget all about the incident and instead point your finger at me and say EWWWW. My clean laundry? (Is it called laundry after its been washed? Or is it clothes at that point?) It NEVER gets folded. Or put away. It goes from the dryer to my LAUNDRY ROOM FLOOR. And then it just keeps piling up on the laundry room floor until you have a two foot high pile of clean clothes. On the floor. We have to step on the clean clothes to get to the other clean clothes to dig through all the clothes to find socks and underwear and the kids go play in the clean clothes because LOOK, ITS A CAVE! NO! ITS A TRAMPOLINE! NO, WAIT! LETS THROW THE CLOTHES AT EACH OTHER AND CALL IT A WAR!
Feel a little better? I just put that out there for the whole internet to see. To make you feel better.
A room?? Ha ha ha ha! I have a room, basement, closet ,cupboard & a drawer like that!
No see if you were thinking, you could have just blamed the mess on the kid from playgroup….” OMG!! What have you done to my clean room??!!! Get out you heathen…. OUT!!!!!!”
The Mom would have been mortified & she would have tidies up the mess her child made.
No embarassment for you & a cleaned room to boot!\
Lord, sometimes I scare myself;)
Honey, every has had a room looking like that at some point… especially when prego and trying to clean the whole house. Some room has to be the catch all. I agree with several of the others about the basement. My basement is bad. If and when we ever finish it (future bedrooms?), I don’t know what I will do with the “stuff”.
Ohyeah, you don’t want to be anywhere near the basement. I have tried and tried to sort and clean it but it inevitably becomes the dumping ground so that I can keep the rest of my house in some sort of order. The problem is that the family room is down there and to get to it you get a good eyefull of the disaster that I vow will one day be organized.
Please, not only is my whole home a “punk rock house” (this is what I like to call places full of clutter and stuff not put away) my store, where I work is a “punk rock house”. Life’s just messy most of the time. Not my mother inlaw’s life, but most people’s. Your kitchen and bathroom were clean and there was a place for everyone to sit, you’re all good. If you want to feel better, watch “How Clean Is Your House?” on BBC America (or Youtube). The people on that show have a problem, the rest of us are just real.
Sounds like my basement and sometimes my bedroom. Don’t worry about it. Only people with maids never have rooms like that. And I love Mackeydoodle’s idea for next time. *evil grin*
Our guest last night got a peek in our living room which contained box of tile, a sewing machine, a baby swing, glass shelves wrapped in a blanket, an extra large tupperware box, and a drawer from the entertaiment armoire. The big room at the front of the house with no door that guests see immediately upon arriving- yes, that’s our storage area. Nice.
Vindication! I am not the only person who does this! In FACT it is one of the few GOOD things that came out of our water mess. All our bedroom room clutter? GONE (for now). But where did it go? Well, at the moment you can barely open the door to our spare bedroom (hope to have our furniture back in our room this weekend) and all those old tv’s and vcr’s? Out on the back deck. Yeah. “You might be a redneck if…” Yeah - most of those might be’s apply to us at any given time.
Our entire house is like that. The bedrooms and toy room are worse. I wish we had a basement like we used to . I’d throw it all in there. A basement is my biggest requirement when we buy our home.
Our attic is like that. My husband is a complete neat freak so he refuses to go up there because it stresses him out too much. Meanwhile we have a hand me down toddler bed in the middle of our living room because that same husband is too lazy to help me move it (to the attic, ha!).
I bet that mom was relieved to see that you have a room like that. I always feel so much better when I go to someone else’s house only to find that they aren’t perfect housekeepers either.
I have shamelessly been known to use the garbage can for such things –
My bedroom is always the catch all. The crappy part is is that the bathroom door faces my bedroom door. Any company that uses the bathroom sees my room because of course my kids cannot leave the door shut either, no matter how much I threaten.
I have TWO rooms like that. Seriously. Dawson’s playroom has turned into a second clutter room. In fact we call it “the assistant to the clutter room.” And then there’s the bathroom we never got around to remodeling (we’ve lived in our house five years) and the entire bathtub is full of stuff. So I feel you on this topic….don’t be ashamed!
We have a room like that…but it’s not really hidden. We pile everything into the office but then hubby always has something to show someone on the computer.
Oh, wait a minute, you have to limit this kind of mess to a room? Hmmm. I guess this might explain why we hardly ever have people over…