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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
Dec
30
Evolution Of A Husband
by Leslie
I’ve been cleaning up my files this weekend in an effort to get ready for a brand new year. And while I’m not really a write-a-rough-draft-then-edit-it-to-make-it-better kind of girl when it comes to blogging - you know, I just write it as it comes - I do have a folder with snippets of ideas to think about later.
I’ve never actually used an idea from that folder. Until now.
I found this little bit I’d written last year right after Christmas:
Dave claims that I attempt to engage him in conversations for the sole purpose of getting him in trouble. He has labeled this so-called tactic “The Set-Up.” Here’s an example of what he’s talking about.
Leslie: “Am I a good wife?”
Dave: “Yeah, honey. You’re a great wife.”
L: “Well, how would you rate me? You know, if you were giving me a performance review.”
D: “Nah. No. I’m not doing this.”
L: “Doing what?”
D: “You’re setting me up.”
L: “What do you mean? I just asked a question.”
D: “Yeah, and when I answer it, you’ll get mad. I’m not doing this. Especially this close to Christmas.”
L: “I guess you’d give me a pretty bad rating since you don’t want to tell me.”
D: “Leslie, I am not doing this.”
L: Fair enough.
The conversation you just read occurred just before Christmas. It’s amazing what is revealed after Christmas is over and the pressure to be “nice” is off. This conversation happened just last night.
Leslie: “So, that comment you made about stripper money on Laurie’s blog the other day…seemed like you really knew what you were talking about.”
Dave: “Yeah! I meant to tip this girl two dollars, but the bills in my wallet were all mixed up and I gave her a twenty and a one instead of two ones.”
L: “WHAT?!?!”
D: “Oh, this was, like, seven or eight years ago.”
L: “You go to strip clubs?!?!”
D: “Only two times in my whole life.”
L: “You go to strip clubs!!?!?!”
D: “Honey, I haven’t gone to one since I met you and I will never go to one again. I have no desire to go now that I have you.”
L: “That’s good.”
D: “….”
L: “I mean, if you want to go to strip clubs, that’s fine. You can go. You just don’t need to come home afterwards.
D: “I’m not going to go to one.”
L: “And you should remember that every one of those girls has a father, just like your daughter.”
D: “Alright.”
(long pause)
L: “So, she must have been pretty good.”
D: “What?”
L: “She must have been a pretty good stripper for you to want to give her a tip.”
D: “No way. Nuh-uh. I know what you’re doing.”
L: “What? I’m just trying to figure out what makes a stripper tip-worthy. I mean, what did she do to earn that tip?”
D: “You’re setting me up.”
L: “I’d just like to know.”
D: “…”
All that got me thinking, so I decided to perform a little test.
Leslie: “Dave, am I a good wife?”
Dave: “You’re better than good. You’re the best.”
L: “Well, how would you rate me? You know, if you were giving me a performance review.”
D: “There isn’t a rating meaningful enough to measure how wonderful you are.”
Yeah, he’s come a long way, baby.
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
I am cracking up!
This has me cracking up. Especially the part about how he can totally go if he wants to, just you know…don’t come home afterwards. Hilarious.
Poor Dave. I think all women love the set ups. I’ve gotten Cleatus super drunk and then grilled him about if he’d ever cheated on me. Ha. Boys are fun to mess with.
Good answer Dave !!!! He’s learned real well…. LOL Happy New Year !!! (((HUGS)))
LOL! Thanks for the laugh!
Nice touch reminding him that strippers are all daughters just like his.
I wonder if all guys could learn as well as your Dave…
There is something for you on my blog!
LOL, Leslie! This gave me my best laugh all morning! I hope you all have a WONDERFUL New Year!
It’s interesting to see the ripple affect of one little blog post. I wonder exactly how many arguments I’ve started in my 3 year blogging career.
That is priceless! What we don’t subject our Daves to.:)
I learned a long time ago to not ask questions I might not like the answer to. I just stick with the basic yes or no type questions.
Ya, I am a chicken shit.”P
Sound like your hubby is one smart man. You’ve trained him well!
One day, you may get an answer you do not like.
This is one of the most blatant violations of the Golden Rule!
Happy New Year Leslie ! May you and your family have a wonderful 2008. (((HUGS)))
That is good stuff Leslie. I can almost see him squirming. Too funny!
Happy New Year!
That is VERY good. Happy New Year.
He goes to STRIP CLUBS?!?
(that is me sharing in your outrage.)
Jon and I have completely stopped talking about anything that occured before we married. Because even though it’s ridiculous… we’ll still get pissed about stuff.
Ay, yi, yi. Did I spell that right?! Don’t know.
You are my hero, Leslie. I do the same with CG, but I don’t have your eerie Gestapo-like (probably not spelled right either) powers.
For instance, he STILL doesn’t admit he went to a strip club for his bachelor party. Yes, he went with five college friends into the strip area of San Francisco, but no, no strippers. Not him. Nope. He went to the one place without strippers. Strip clubs on either side, but, no really, we played pool and drank beers.
Uhuh. One day, I’m going to trip him up and then… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll make him strip his hairy body in a gold lame speedo, feather boa, and rain boots so he knows what a degrading thing stripping is.
Loved, loved, loved the daughter comment. That’s got hit ‘em where it hurts.
In my marriage it’s usually Hubby who sets me up. I wonder what that says about us?
BTW, tell Dave thank you for the good ideas on how to answer.
I totally cracked up at the last line but when I read it to Will he laughed the whole way through…. What does that mean?!
I’m so glad that Miss New Orleans recommended your blog. Your book reviews are excellent.
He learns quickly, that one does! And he gets extra points because he is trainable. Whereas some hubbys… no I’ll save that for one of my blog rants!!!