When I Cannot Sing My Heart I Can Only Speak My Mind, Julia*

by Leslie

The anticipation of big sisterhood is taking a toll on my firstborn.

Julia has been a living, breathing, hair-cutting contradiction, lately. One moment, I’m “the best mommy in the whole wide world,” and the next, my kisses make her feel “really mad.” Right after yelling at me for looking at her too much, she’ll crawl up in my lap and get in my face to prevent me from speaking to any human being in the world other than her. Sometimes she wants to be called a big girl and sometimes she wants to be my baby; figuring out which time it is feels a lot like walking blindfolded and barefoot into a room filled with mouse traps.

I realize the feelings she is experiencing are only natural and this recent behavior is simply a reflection of those feelings. And I’ve tried to give her a little room to work it all out because, I’ll admit, I’m a little scared about how things are going to change when Lucy comes, and I’m supposed to be the grown-up. So, I’m making every effort to try and put myself in her shoes and be understanding.

But, I cannot understand her desperate need to humiliate me in public.

The child has turned me into one of those parents - you know, the ones you look at with disgust and think, “Woman, put that animal on a leash!” She has a been an uncontrollable maniac anywhere she has an audience of strangers, and I’m the big oaf stomping after her, sometimes making threats, often begging and pleading, occasionally offering a bribe for her just to STOP. Then I get the, “and you’re having another one?” looks. And all I can say is, “I’M SORRY FOR PROCREATING. Clearly, I am out of my depth. PLEASE HELP ME.” Because, do you know how it feels to be that mother in public? It feels like a shit sandwich tastes. I guess. I’ve never eaten a shit sandwich, but, you know, I can’t think of anything that might taste worse right now.

But, the shit sandwich is almost always followed up with something so wonderfully delicious and sweet, you kind of forget about it. For example: Julia’s first funny joke. Up until recently, her jokes went something like this: Why did the house cross the road? FIRE TRUCK! Then, suddenly, one day, after an especially awful trip to the store, she came up with this gem all on her own in the car.

(She’s saying, “Why did the bubble gum cross the street? Because it was stuck to a monkey!”)

That’s funny! It’s like a real joke. At least it was enough to make me forget for a little while that she hijacked a stroller from the Babies R Us display and took it for a wild ride to the diaper department.

* Lyric from John Lennon’s Julia

Posted in Mommy's Stuff, Julia, Photos, Videos |

Comments

13 Cool Kids Came To Play

Daddy Forever on February 22, 2008 2:08 am
The joy of parenthood. Luckily, our kids are at their worst at home and are usually OK in public.
Veronica on February 22, 2008 6:10 am
Sometimes I spend my entire time in public running and cajoling and bribing and chasing.

And then? To top it all off? Amy has discovered how to truly pop my boobs out of my top. Fun times.
Karly on February 22, 2008 9:32 am
I TOLD YOU KIDS SUCK! Do you believe me now?

It’ll get better. I know that doesn’t help any, because could it get worse? No. Not when you have a three year old maniac. But, it WILL get better. Promise. (Julia is three right? Or did she suddenly turn four?)
Karly on February 22, 2008 9:33 am
Oh, and I’m digging the hair AND the joke!
Amy on February 22, 2008 10:22 am
First of all, Julia looks adorable with er new hair cut! Second, I have also been eating a whole lot of shit sandwiches and no they do not taste good. I guess the pressure of becoming older siblings is getting to them but my God could I go for my sweet little boy again. I really don’t know who this child is, but I hope he straightens up in the next couple months or may the Lord keep me from strangling him.
Sam on February 22, 2008 10:23 am
AWW, she looks so cute and grown up. It may not have been the ideal situation for a hair cut but it turned out really cute.
Suzanne on February 22, 2008 1:46 pm
Love the new hair cut!

I’m just going to the give you the lame, old “it gets better”… because really it does. Once the baby comes and Julia gets settled into her role as big sis. And while it sucks for now, just know that there will be an end in sight.
jenn in holland on February 22, 2008 3:36 pm
You are pure brilliance Buck. I adore you. Julia too.
Jerseygirl89 on February 22, 2008 4:01 pm
I love the haircut and the joke. As for the tantrums, Ironflower is doing the same thing and she’s had two years to get used to big sisterhood. I think it’s a three year old thing. Just keep telling yourself, “We’ve all been THAT mother, we’ve all been THAT mother. . .”
Laurie on February 22, 2008 8:47 pm
Cute joke and cute hair! Cute, cute, cute.
susiej on February 22, 2008 9:32 pm
Ha, Ha… It’s fun to laugh when it happens to someone else. It’s bliss!
heathersway on February 22, 2008 10:16 pm
That joke is awesome! Such a smart and beautiful girl. Just like her Mama. And Jerseygirl is so right. We have ALL been that mother.
Jen in MI on February 23, 2008 5:07 pm
The joke IS awesome. And also, Julia’s just at *that* age. By the time she turns into a wonderful, generous, civic-minded five-year-old you’ll wonder if these days ever happened. Again, huge hugs. Darn, I just feel like you need huge hugs right now!