Your Butt Is Wide. Well, Mine Is, Too. Just Watch Your Mouth. Or I’ll Sit On You.*

by Leslie

One of the benefits of having to have a planned c-section is that you know exactly when the baby is coming. And that means, you can have a countdown.

Julia and I made our own Countdown to Lucy the other day.

All it took to make it was two pieces of cardboard to serve as a backboard and a hinge board so the countdown could stand on its own (we glued some scraps of paper from my scrapbooking stash to them to pretty them up); countdown pages we made using clip art and printed down from Microsoft Word; a hole punch and some ribbon. Nifty, huh?

Each day, we wake up and tear the top sheet off, which Julia enjoys coloring all over while I marvel over how soon Lucy is coming.

And she’s coming soon.

“How soon?” a Wal-Mart associate asked me as I checked out today.

“April 16th,” I replied.

“Really? That’s still, like, two months away.”

“48 days to be exact.”

“Gosh, you’re just so huge! You look like you’re ready to pop that baby out right now.”

I smiled and said, “Yeah, well I feel like it, too!” while in my head I thought, “Yeah, I’d like to pop you, Booger Face.”

I realize that I am, in fact, huge. I cannot escape it. I am reminded of it every time I have to get up from a seated position. I feel it when I try to put my shoes on. I can’t deny it when I have to consult the Kama Sutra to find positions that enable me to experience physical intimacy with my husband.

I know I’m big. I can say it. I can even make jokes about it. But other people? Other people shouldn’t say it. Can they think it? Sure. But say it? No.

How about we make it a law that people can’t say it? And the penalty can be death by smothering with my HUGE. PREGNANT. BODY.

* Lyric from Fat by Weird Al Yankovic

Posted in Mommy's Stuff |

Comments

12 Cool Kids Came To Play

Daddy Forever on February 28, 2008 2:36 am
I agree, what is with people who make remarks like that? Maybe next time you can say it’s because the baby has a big brain.
Veronica on February 28, 2008 4:02 am
That countdown is gorgeous!
Karly on February 28, 2008 9:01 am
What a cute idea! Love the countdown!

It never bothered me when people told me how huge I was for some reason. It totally bothers me when people ask if I’m pregnant when I’m NOT, but when they’d tell me I was fat then I’d be all like “DUDE! I KNOW!” I’m weird.
Dana on February 28, 2008 10:59 am
I used to hate when people would say stupid things when I was pregnant. It’s like they lose their minds when they see a pregnant belly. Hang in there. At least you know exactly when sweet Lucy will be here!
heathersway on February 28, 2008 1:29 pm
I remember when my SIL was pregnant and she is about 5 feet tall and I used to give her a little shove whenever I saw her and say, “Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.” I was an asshole. I would like to apologize for all the tactless and cruel people out there. We are jerks but oh, the Karma. She is a bitch my friend!
jenn in holland on February 28, 2008 1:38 pm
Agreed. May I please line up the dorks who said the same to me in my last (really, all 3 of them) pregnancy for squishing too? I still have issues.

I really, really need to get hold of my pregnancy photos at the end of the Andrew incubation so you can see them so you won’t feel so alone in your largeness.
Man, I was big.
Jerseygirl89 on February 28, 2008 3:24 pm
Dude, I was huge with both kids and so MANY people made dumb comments - especially my co-workers. They’re lucky I didn’t smoosh them all. I totally support the idea of you sitting on people and I will even tell the police you were with me the whole time and couldn’t possibly have done it when they find all the pancake bodies, okay?
Toni on February 28, 2008 3:46 pm
This reminds me of the time I was the only other person in an elevator with a very distinguished sort of gentleman. I was pregnant with Sister at the time. Out of nowhere he says, “You’re very large. When is your baby due?” “Yesterday,” I replied (which was true). He got a scared rabbit look on his face and rushed off at the next floor (which I don’t believe was his, BTW.) I laughed for days. People are just dumb sometimes. Don’t let it get to you.

Love the countdown. Very cute!
Jen in MI on February 28, 2008 5:06 pm
Why on earth do folks feel they can make comments on the size of women (or men) but particularly pregnant women? Like all of a sudden it’s the world’s baby, not yours? I’ve never gotten that.
Sam on February 28, 2008 9:37 pm
Very cute counter!!

What’s even worse than people saying how fat you are is people guessing how fat you are. That toilet paper game at baby showers should be illeagal!! I was mortified at my shower at the length of some of the peoples toilet paper!!
mackey on February 29, 2008 1:40 am
Some people just have no tact!

The best reply to those asses-

” Well, I may be huge but your ugly & in 38 days I will have this baby & be huge no more………………..and you will STILL be ugly!”

That should shut ‘em up:)
Vikki on February 29, 2008 4:23 pm
My co-worker used to start humming the theme from the old Alfred Hitchcock series when she saw me coming. Sigh.