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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
May
6
Beware The Sleep Deprived Mom
by Leslie
I’d been through it before, but somehow I had forgotten how overwhelming the lack of sleep is with a new baby.
I can remember sitting on the floor of Julia’s dimly lit nursery during the 3 a.m. hour, holding her in my arms, rocking my body and singing,
Julia, Julia where shall we go?
The world is a very big place we both know.
To see all its wonders, the wise people say,
would take us, together, a year and a day.
- a song we still, to this day, call “ours,” though I have no idea where I learned it. (I think that memory was erased by fatigue.) I can still see her face with wide eyes, locked on mine - something that you yearn for in those early weeks when they spend more time closed than open. I remember that thrilling sensation of tiny fingers wrapped around one of mine.
What I didn’t remember was the dizzying, bone-aching tiredness and that skull crushing blow that comes when you nod too far forward, then jolt awake and think, “What if I had dropped my baby?” after which you cry and beg for that tiny little miracle to just GO TO SLEEP ALREADY.
ALL of the memories came rushing back quickly in those first few days Lucy was here and I sat in that familiar position with my new baby girl. And I’ve felt a little silly that it took me by surprise all over again.
It’s this torturous level of sleep deprivation that steals my thoughts mid-sentence and forces me to run upstairs three or four times before I actually remember what I went up there for. And it’s what Dave is blaming for my recent waffling about whether or not I should continue with my website, specifically this blog. Oh, the very dramatic waffling that culminated in a family discussion on Friday night during which I cried and even pulled my own hair. Should I keep writing? Perhaps I should continue, but make it less personal, you know, to protect the children.
My family’s advice was to sleep on it.
I did.
Then, I woke up the next morning and read this post from Dooce. And I cried. I read it to Dave. And I cried. Then, I made my Mom read it. And she cried. I think you should read it, too.
Talk about the right post at the right time! The words resonated with me and, finally, something in my new baby fog-filled brain seemed clear: I’m not ready to give this up. How could I even consider it?
It’s amazing what lack of sleep will do to you.
Comments
9 Cool Kids Came To Play
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I Write A Haiku Each Day
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Categories
- Daily Haiku
- Mommy’s Stuff
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You Should Do This
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
Well, that totally took me by surprise. You are such a good writer! I can’t believe you would consider stopping. I’m glad you came to your senses, because REMEMBER, I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. That post from Dooce was awesome. I have considered not doing pictures of my kids before, but now? Now I’ll just remember that strangers see them every time we walk out the door. SO THERE.
I’ll do a little sleep voodoo dance for you and Lucy. Because some idiot from the internet telling you that she will do voodoo on your freshly birthed baby won’t make you want to shut this site down.
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I bet Lucy doesn’t know that…but YOU know it gets better…eventually!
I hope you can get some real sleep soon, Leslie. Just take it as easy as you can, in the meantime. Huge hugs.
And people wonder why lack of sleep is used as a torture technique.
I bet you wish Dave could breast feed. Us dads are lucky in that respect. We get more sleep.
I don’t think I could deal with those sleep deprived nights anymore. Hope it gets better soon.
I clicked over to Dooce, whom I don’t normally read,and I really enjoyed her post. Thanks for pointing us to it!
I hope you get some sleep soon. I remember those days all too well. And yeah, that Dooce post got to me too.
YOU are an inspiration to me. I have been following your blog for maybe a year now & well, I don’t wanna scare ya’ but I am in love with you. Wait! Don’t run away! It’s Not a creepy in love with you, but the one mama to another mama who totally gets you/respects you/supports you/enjoys you/OMG I thought I was the only one that did that/thought that/felt that kinda love. My heart dropped at the slightest inclination that you may leave your website. Your blog is real, heartfelt, entertaining, informative, funny, just the tonic I need when I am having one of those days. We’d totally be bff’s irl, i just know it. Many blessings to you & yours on the birth of Baby Lucy. And may the Sleepy Time Gods & Godesses may a visit to your house real soon.
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