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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
Jun
18
A Dump In The Life
by Leslie
I walk into the bathroom, close the door, pull down my skivies and before my butt hits the seat, Julia bursts through the door. “Mom, I gotta pee.”
“Well, hold on. I’m going right now.”
“Okay.” She stands there and looks at me. “I don’t hear anything,” she says, “I don’t hear you peeing.”
“That’s because I’m not peeing.”
“What are you doing then?”
“What do you think I’m doing?”
“Pooping?”
“You got it.”
“Alright. I’m gonna go out here, but I’m leaving the door open so I know when you’re done.”
“How about you close the door and I’ll come out when I’m done.”
“Okay.” She walks out and closes the door. Approximately 45 seconds later, the door swings open, she pops her head in and says, “You done yet?”
“No. I am not done. Close the door. I’ll come out when I’m done.”
“I could stand here and wait on you.”
“No thank you. Please close the door.”
“Well, I was just hoping you would be done right now.”
I make a polite suggestion. “You could go upstairs to the other bathroom.”
“That’s alright.”
“Okay, well…please close the door.”
She closes the door, but stays inside the bathroom.
“Julia?”
“Yes?”
“Will you please go outside and close the door?”
“You’re still not done yet?”
“No I am not. Please, just go out and close the door.”
She obliges, but spends the remainder of time I am in the bathroom banging various rhythms against the door while giving me play-by-play commentary on what is happening outside the door. “Daddy is holding Lucy but she’s real squirmy. I think someone’s hungry! You better hurry! Lucy needs you! Christy is sniffing my shoe! Oh, no. There’s an ant….”
Finally, I am done. Julia knows this because she hears the flush, so she rushes right in and makes her way to the pot while letting her pants fall to her ankles. I begin to wash my hands as she is climbing on and she says, “Mom, can you please leave? I like to use the bathroom alone.”
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
LOL! If we mothers only had a nickel for every time we’ve not been allowed to pee in peace.
Sometimes? I give my kids a cookie so I can poo in peace.
I’m not sure Julia would have survived that at my house, just because I truly can’t do my business if I’m distracted (TMI, I know). You have the patience of a saint.
Wow. I think we live at the same house. The only difference is the names of the kids involved… and usually I end up yelling instead of saying “please”. You are a better mommy than I.
Hilarious! John always locks the door when using the bathroom - toilet or shower - but still gets interrupted with pounding on the door and requests to hurry up from Jaxon
Baahahahahahahaha
Hahahahaha, too funny!
Privacy? I totally hear ya’. Cade occaisionally sits in the tub during crap time, just so I don’t have to listen to him scream on the other side of the door.
Hahahahahahaha! I have a conversation something like this EVERY day with Andrew. Methinks we should betrothe them. They are cut from the same privacy invading cloth!
You should have done the same thing to Julia. Then see if she ever does that again.
HA! HA! I can so feel you on this. My 3 do the same thing!!?? Some days nothing is more likly to send me over the edge than not being able to ‘go’ in peace. 5 minutes max, people, can I have 5 precious minutes with no audience and/or commentators???!!! NO, I am not lonely. NO, I don’t need any help. YES, I can wipe by myself. And then they shuefly US away when it;s their turn?????? Another link to add to my conspiracy theory: the children are out to get us! It’s payback for all we put our parents through. (And I think our parents are secretly coaching them……..)