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Fat Is A Feminist Issue
by Leslie
I think my kids are perfect. Most parents do, right? Think their kids are perfect.
It’s not that I think my girls are perfect in that they have no flaws, they certainly do. I recognize those flaws more than anyone. I’m their mother. At this stage in life, I know them better than anyone. But I don’t expect them to be flawless. I expect them to be themselves. And that? They do that perfectly. And I am completely in love with them for who they are.
I think it’s my job as a mother to view my children through a lens of understanding and love, to show them that it’s never wrong to be themselves and to frame them in that way for others. But no matter what I do, there are always people who will look at them and see the superficial.
And then there are just plain rude assholes.
“Your baby is a porker!” That’s what the cleaning lady at the hospital said to me last weekend. Not once. Not twice. THREE TIMES. “Really! It’s a girl? She’s a porker. A real porker!”
Dave stood there, wincing, waiting for the explosion, but it never came. I said nothing. I knew if I opened my mouth, there’d be no stopping what would come out. So, I bit my tongue and told myself that the woman is probably on the low level of intelligent and probably couldn’t comprehend that what she was saying could be construed as insulting. Certainly she didn’t walk her big ass head all the way over to insult my baby and me? I let it go.
But this lady hasn’t been the only one. There have been so many people commenting on how chubby Lucy is. And not in an oh-she’s-so-cute-and-chubby-like-a-baby-is-supposed-to-be kind of way, but a oh-my-freaking-god-I-think-I-saw-your-baby-on-the-cover-of-the-National-Enquirer-come-over-here-Martha-it’s-the-world’s-fattest-baby kind of way.
The thing that’s really disturbing is, one of these people actually said, “My baby was big like that, but I had a boy, so it wasn’t a worry.” Was she suggesting that I should be worried that my baby girl is too fat? SERIOUSLY? Because she’s a girl? I mean, isn’t chub sort of fashionable for all infants? Isn’t that how we like ‘em? With the baby fat and all? She’s not a supermodel, she’s a four month old!
Good Golly.
Maybe my mother’s lens of love and understanding is rose colored, but I think this -
- is beautiful.
Additionally, at this point, Lucy is roughly the same size Julia was at this age and now, at four years old, Julia is spot on height and weight-wise. And, the doctor says, “Keep doing what you’re doing, Leslie. Lucy is perfect.”
In truth, I know I don’t have to worry about Lucy’s size.
What I do worry about is, if perhaps, I’m not doing such a great job of framing her in a positive way. It’s not anything I’m doing or saying. It’s how I look. Would people think Lucy was so HUGE! and FAT! if I weren’t so HUGE! and FAT!? I’ve only had one person suggest that in those actual words, out loud. It was a lady at a nursing home. She told me, “That baby is HUGE! It’s no wonder. Look at you! You’re fat!”
My mother, bless her heart, told me that you can’t necessarily rely on the opinion of a nursing home resident who is likely there because her faculties are failing. I say no one tells the truth like children and the elderly, particularly those on the down hill slide of it all.
Regardless of any of it, I don’t want to make my kids look bad. I don’t want them to be Gilbert Grape. So, I guess I need to start losing weight.
Also because Karly and I have plans to go to BlogHer ‘09.
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
1. Lucy is beautiful. And, yes, perfect.
2. As is Julia
3. As are you!
4. My babies were porkers too.
5. I loved nibbling on all that fat flesh.
6. They did not grow up to be porkers at all.
7. People are rude.
8. You are fabulous just as you are
9. But I understand the wanting to be a bit different, if only in size.
10. I have a new treadmill if you want to come over.
11. I kinda need a baby nibble anyway.
When can I expect you?
Well bugger me. How rude of them to say so full stop.
And baby chub is gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.
I am HORRIBLE!! about commenting on how chubby babies are, but I NEVER mean it in a bad way. Babies are supposed to be little porkers! That means you are doing a good job! Rolls = happy baby. So, I hope that you know that in the past when I’ve called Lucy chubby that all I meant was that I wanted to get ahold of her and chomp on her fat little thighs. I did not mean that you were doing something wrong and I certainly did not call Martha over to gawk at her.
I’m sure you already knew that or you wouldn’t be going to BlogHer with me though. But I had to tell you anyway. Just in case.
As for you making your kids look bad? No. Leslie, if you were a skinny little waif holding that big baby girl people would just comment on that. They would be shocked that such a big baby came from such a little woman. If Lucy was a skinny little midget they would comment on you not feeding her enough. People will ALWAYS find a way to be rude, whether intentionally or not.
Losing weight for your kids might actually be a good motivator, but DO NOT beat yourself up about framing your kids in a bad way, because YOU ARE NOT. You are such an excellent mother regardless of how you look.
I echo all that has been said…. ignore ignorant FAT MOUTHS…. you and the girls are perfect… I adore chubby bubby’s… that’s how they are supposed to be! Our Brylee was a skinny tiny anorexic baby… it was heartbreaking.
Your doctor’s opinion and yours and Dave’s are the only ones that matter.
Lucy is ADORABLE.
Julia is ADORABLE. (Okay, so my opinions matter, too
People are rude. Period.
Oh my gosh - she’s absolutely gorgeous! My first born had NO chub. He had ripped quad muscles from birth. My baby has chubby thighs and I could just eat them right up. The chub looks much better on her than on me. I do love me a chubby baby, but they’re all fab, really. A pain in the ass sometimes, but fab nevertheless.
Like Karly said, people will find a way to be rude no matter what ESPECIALLY the idiots. Believe me I’m surrounded by these people.
Your daughter is just how she should be.
I’m hoping to go to blogher ‘09. I’m hoping it’s in Atlanta.
She is absolutely beautiful!!
(I’ll never forget the stride right saleslady who kept going on and on about my son’s feet…”I’ve never SEEN such FAT FEET before…”
Yeah. She took rude to a whole new level…)
She’s beautiful!
Your baby is beautiful. To heck with them all.
And btw, Karly, eh hem, hasn’t introduced us yet. I’ll be tagging along with you girls to BlogHer ‘09 as well!
They are idiots and rude. I’ve seen many big babies who became skinny later, and vice versa. Plus in Asian culture, a big baby is like a status symbol. It means you have money to feed them.
Leslie
Don’t listen to one word that those people have to say. Lucy is absolutely beautiful. She looks happy and healthy and that is all that matters.
Your daughter is absolutely gorgeous! Its such a shame that complete strangers seem to feel they have every right to comment on your daughter’s health/appearance! Its like when you are pregnant, everyone has an opinion that they feel the need to share! Good on you for restraining yourself; anyone who dares to say something mean about my daughter is lucky to leave with out a slap!
She’s beautiful !!!!!!!!! (((HUGS)))
OMG…I just want to pinch her cheeks and take a bite of her tush! She is PERFECT. It’s times like that when I wish I had little laminated flashcards that I could just hold up…like ya know in sports events 10 perfect - 0 you suck, but they’d say something like:
-Back at cha
-Look in the mirror today?
-Mouth-10, Brain-0
-F*** off, twit
erm, I’m too diginified though.
Bwahahahahaha
Your response was perfect…ignore the toad.
Oh, and you really only need to lose weight if YOU want to…
I think I’m going to get a t-shirt that says, “I would prefer it if you did not comment on my children.”
I get a lot of comments on how skinny my kids are, usually while people stare at my plump self. Or people fawn over Ironflower’s golden curls and totally ignore Lovebug.
People always feel they have the right to say whatever they want to pregnant women and mothers of babies and small children. Usually they get away with it because we’re too tired or self-conscious to fight back.
Amazing, how old people have NO social skills. I often tell my mom that just because my grandpa’s 94, it doesn’t give him a license to be an asshole. You should have looked at the old lady and said, “Yeah, but you’re old, and I can lose weight.” Heh.
Crap you had a bad week with insensitive people! I would about be a wreck! She is perfect and sweet and adorable - and a BABY for crying out loud! She looks perfectly healthy to me! A big hug to you sweetie **squeeze**