Dec
23
The Fuck It Post
by Leslie
This morning as I was getting dressed, Julia was sitting on the floor near my bookcase flipping through my books as she is wont to do while waiting on me to finish primping. (Note: primping, in my case, means applying deodorant.) She happened upon a page of I Like You: Hospitality Under The Influence by Amy Sedaris
I glanced at the picture. I knew I had a decision to make. I could
- A) lie and say it says something like Fun Kit, risking the chance that she’ll reproduce the phrase with her newfangled writing skills and art supplies and I’ll have Fuck It notes posted all over the house.
- B) tell the truth, because that’s what I would want if I were her and she’s going to figure it out anyway and parenting is easier when you’re not Mommy Liarhead.
- C) pretend I’ve temporarily gone deaf or blind until she stops asking.
I went with B.
“It says Fuck It,” I said. “But you know that’s a bad word and you shouldn’t say it.”
“I shouldn’t say it at school.”
“Right. Or in front of Daddy. Or Grandma or Grandpa. Or playgroup. Or ballet or piano cla-Hey Julia? How about you just don’t say it at all?”
“Well, why is it a bad word?”
“Because the majority of people in society agree that it is.”
“Why do you have a book that says fuck it in it?”
“Huh?”
“Why do you have a bo-”
“Hey, let’s go have some cookies!”
“Okay….but, why do people say bad words?”
“Well, some people say it when they’re frustrated and-”
“Like you?”
“Yeah, like me. Also, because they’re trying to be cool. But saying bad words isn’t cool.”
“Well, Mom, sometimes it is.”
“Okay, sometimes it is. But mostly it’s not.”
“Fuck it.”
“Alright. Settle down.”
“Fuck it,” she giggles.
“Okay. Okay. Just remember, if you say it in front of your Daddy, I’ll fix your mouth so it won’t hold teeth. You got me?”
“I got you, Mom. I’ll just say it one more time.”
“Okay.”
Silence.
“Are you going to say it one more time?”
“Yeah. I’m saving it for later, though.”
If I get nothing for Christmas, this is probably a good reason why.
Comments
12 Cool Kids Commented
Stuff I Do
-
Stuff You Should Do
You know, Stuff.
I’m having trouble hitting the right keys right now b/c I’m shaking from laughing so hard. It started with the “Fun Kit” and went from there. Now I can’t stop.
Cole does the same thing, but with “shut-up” since he’s not reading yet. Now I have something to look forward to!
Too stinkin’ hilarious, saving it for later. Bwahaha.
Julia has definitely gotten some of your sense of humor.
Can I steal her? Just a little bit?
HOWL! So, when this happens to me, I go with Mommy Liarhead or deaf and dumb. Got it.
Saving it for later?! I suspected the kid was a genius, now I know. She can hold this over your head for years. You are in big trouble, lady.
OMG…Thank you for sharing! LOL I’m with Karen on this one!
*I. AM. TRYING. NOT. TO. LAUGH.*
I am working over night and going through blogs when I came across yours and I have to say this is the cutest thing I have read all night. I needed a good laugh to keep me awake!
Ha! I love that book.
You are SUCH a cool mom! And you have such cool kids! So, when did she get around to saying it? At preschool, right?
[...] C) I was late to pick Julia up from school. I ask you to consider the mental anguish a four year old must endure as she waits to be the last kid picked up. It’s hell on earth, I tell you. And that space of time spent waiting with her teacher is likely to be filled with that four year old saying things like, “Steven Adler looks like a monkey when he’s high on heroin,” or “My mom has a fuck it bucket book.” [...]
[...] Julia has been known to utter a naughty word now and then, as documented here and here. Also here. And here. As well as here. And coming soon here: [...]