Feb
28
Of Bowling And Bad Diet Choices
by Leslie
for Dave’s company today
beer, balls, funky shoes
(and breastfeeding) so, no beer
although Dave had two
she got a strike, “WOO HOO HOO,”
and bowled a 60)
should have ordered the salmon
but gave in to steak
Feb
27
Poor Babies
by Leslie
I can’t get warm. Sniffles. Cough.
I still have to work out.
She has it worse than me, though.
She can’t blow her nose.
Feb
27
Imagine this: You’re in the supermarket selecting apples from the produce display and a woman sidles up to you. “Is that what you want?” she asks, picking up and inspecting apples.
“Uh, yeah?” you murmur softly.
“Oh! NO!”
You put your apple down and peek at her out of the corner of your eye. You grab for another one.
“Is that right?” she asks sharply.
You pull your hand away. Reluctantly, you inquire, “Is what right?”
The woman turns to you, smiles, shakes her head and points to the bluetooth headset hanging off her ear. You blush and slink away as she continues to chatter.
Now imagine that the bluetooth-wearing woman was me. Because it was.
I am officially a jerk with a bluetooth headset.
I didn’t buy it for myself. After my mom spent her recent day off work with me, she handed me hers and said something like, “For the sake of my grandchildren, and everyone else unfortunate enough to share the road with you, PLEASE use this.” She refuses to take it back. So, I have a bluetooth headset.
I have to confess, I love it. I use it ALL THE TIME. I’m wearing it right now! Because, oh my goodness, THE FREEDOM!
I can drive my car and talk on the phone.
I can do the dishes and talk on the phone.
I can do laundry and talk on the phone.
I can change diapers and talk on the phone.
I can pretty much do anything I normally would do, but WHILE ON THE PHONE.
I don’t even like to talk on the phone. But, talking on the phone while I’m doing something is infinitely better than talking on the phone exclusively. I don’t know why. It’s technology, so there are probably radio signals or wavelengths hypnotizing my brain to use it. I’m sure it’s complicated.
Dave hates my bluetooth headset.
He claims he can’t hear me very well on my bluetooth. I think he just doesn’t listen very well.
It probably has something to do with all the, “Hey! Guess what I’m doing?” calls. Or all those times I thought I was turning it off, but instead I called him back and he had to listen to the inside of the diaper bag and try to figure out if I’m in trouble or just really dumb.
He begins every phone conversation with, “You’re on your bluetooth, aren’t you?” followed by the world’s longest sigh.
In related news, my bluetooth headset charger is missing and Dave won’t be home for two days.
Feb
26
They Say These Things Come In Threes
by Leslie
my laptop cord is severed
what will happen next?
Feb
25
Old School Learnin’
by Leslie
about the solar system
so I showed her this
Feb
25
Insight Or Something
by Leslie
Everyone in our house has their own kind of shampoo to use. Julia uses shampoo for kids, Lucy uses shampoo for babies, and Dave uses Head and Shoulders, because he’s old. And has dandruff. I use whatever is on sale for the lowest price.
The last time I bought shampoo, I was feeling a bit self-indulgent and decided to buy two different bottles.
I know, it’s decadent, but you know me and how I like to live the high life. Anyway, these bottles serve two distinct purposes. There’s the refreshing tangerine, to invigorate me, and soothing lavender, to relax me.
This morning, while I was sitting in the tub, willing myself to wake up as I stared at my shampoo bottles, I came to a realization.
I’m pretty sure this probably means something, but I’m too tired to figure it out.
Feb
24
Welcome Home From Your Workout!
by Leslie
the pets are out of food and
the kids are fussy
Feb
24
So Shines A Good Deed In A Weary World
by Leslie
Last week after piano class, Dave stayed home with Lucy and I took Julia to the mall to buy a dress for the upcoming Ribbon Festival. (Julia will be playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Variation C for judges who will critique her performance and give her a ribbon.)
I set a spending limit for the dress and her favorite one came in just under it. We were all set to buy it when she realized that we could get a matching dress for Lucy, if she chose one that was less expensive.
She stood at the rack a few moments holding her perfect dress tight against her chest, looking up at the cheaper options. Then she handed me the dress and said, “You can put this one back, Mom. I want to get one for me and Lucy.”
She chose a simple plaid dress with a scalloped neckline and a pink bow - one for her, and one for her sister.
On the way to the register, I hung her perfect dress back on its rack. Julia touched the skirt and looked up at it longingly. “That’s a real pretty dress, Mom.”
My heart broke a little. I wished so badly that I could let her have it, too.
“Are you sure you don’t want to get it instead?” I asked.
But she was happy with her decision.
Still, that didn’t stop me from stressing about it the whole car ride home. I imagined Julia in her modest little frock at the Ribbon Festival, standing among little girls in fancy dresses and feeling inadequate. I ran our budget numbers through my head, searching for extra money to go back and get her that dress. Was it responsible to set a limit and then blow it? By the time we pulled into the driveway, I’d pretty much convinced myself that I’d be going back to get that perfect dress.
When we got inside the house, Julia ran into the living room holding the bag of dresses high in the air shouting, “Lucy! Look what I got for us! Look! We’re going to match! Look at these beautiful dresses!”
And I realized that the perfect dress wasn’t the one she’d left behind, but the one she’d chosen.
Feb
23
What she means: “If you insist.”
I do. Both, in fact.
Feb
23
The fourth edition of The Haiku Buckaroo contest is officially over. It’s time to name the new Haiku Buckaroo.
As custom dictates, the winner was chosen by the reigning Buckaroo, Open Window (the blogger formerly known as Englishgenie). Here are the results, along with her comments.
Haiku Buckaroo Honorable Mention
Editing papers
For a doctoral thesis
Shouldn’t I get paid?
Submitted by Lilacspecs
Open Window says: “The answer to this question is yes! Don’t work for free! Editing is hard work and, IMHO, the worst part of writing.”
Haiku Buckaroo Honorable Mention
Here’s what I’m thinking
I truly do like people
but they disappoint
Submitted by Jenn in Holland
Open Window says: “I’m getting divorced. I know all about how people disappoint. This haiku makes me wonder how many ways I disappoint people…”
Haiku Buckaroo Honorable Mention
Sun clings to my hair.
His rushed giggles chase me,
Our smiles stuck in place.
Submitted by Allyson at Maid for Motherhood
Open Window says: “This is classic Haiku. The English teacher in me loves the imagery and personification…being chased by giggles makes me giggle!”
Haiku Buckaroo Honorable Mention
Life is simpler
since Cindy-Lu Hoo realized
she can wipe up her own snot.
Submitted by Karly at Wiping Up Snot
Open Window says: “I loved this! Isn’t it funny how we wait for just this kind of thing as mothers? And, although she totally takes liberties with the 5-7-5 form, I laughed out loud!”
Congratulations to the Honorable Mentions! Feel free to grab a button for your blog.
And now, without further delay…
education, HAH!
talk about random bull shit
a form of torture!
Submitted by Res at Just Because!
Open Window says: “This one is hysterical! Especially from where I am right now as a teacher. I really liked the sentiment behind this Haiku because I feel like most of my students would agree.”
Congratulations, Res! You’ve won:
Don’t forget to display the super-cool button on your blog, Haiku Buckaroo! Wear it with pride, winner!
Thanks to Open Window for judging the contest. It’s no easy task (which is why I don’t do it). And thank you to all the Haiku Buckaroo participants! I’m so glad you entered!
If you weren’t feeling creative or brave enough to join in this go ’round, you’ve got until August to come up with something for Haiku Buckaroo V!
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Stuff I Dig
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You Should Do This
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
