It all started on Monday when we returned to our normal schedule after a week-long snowcation. It may have been because it was my first full day with significantly less caffeine than I am used to or because I’m on a I’m Making Crazy Decisions! bender (see deciding to cut back on caffeine on the first day back from snowcation), but when Dave handed me the flyer for The Biggest Loser competition at my walking place, I immediately said, “Yes! I WANT TO DO THIS.”

Apparently, I said it with enough conviction to inspire Dave to reverse his sleep schedule on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays to be with the kids so I could participate.

“And look! There’s a Last Chance workout on Saturdays in case you miss one of the Tuesday/Thursday sessions!” Dave said, giving just one more reason why this idea was AWESOME.

Imagine my surprise when the trainer told me, “Oh, the Last Chance Workout? It’s not a make up session. Haven’t you seen The Biggest Loser? The Last Chance Workout is the one where I push you until you puke.”

Really? Because I thought that’s what the assessment was.

After orientation, the trainer had taken us to the aerobics room to “show us around.” Once we were trapped inside with no hope of escape, she said she wanted to assess our fitness level. The next thing I remember, I was lying face down with someone screaming in my ear, “You’re gonna do ten push-ups! I don’t care how long it takes! YOU’RE GONNA DO TEN!”

And OH! The pain.

Also, do you have any idea how long 30 seconds is? I’ll tell you: It’s A FUCKING LONG TIME. Especially when you’re forced to hold a squat position and someone is counting it down. When my legs started to jiggle and I couldn’t seem to stop breathing in (and not out), the trainer said, “Breathe in, ‘I am getting stronger.’ Breath out, ‘I am getting healthy.’ Say it, Leslie. SAY IT.”

I grunted, “This….is….hard.”

“Yeah, it is. You didn’t get where you are doing the hard stuff, did ya?”

Wow. I think that’s what you call adding insult to injury.

And then she made me get on the scale.

It was one of the most challenging hours of my life. So much so, that I cried most of the way home. But when the trainer asked, “Will we see you back on Thursday?” I said, “ABSOLUTELY.”

Because I’m gonna win this fucker.


Comments

31 Cool Kids Commented

  1. Lilacspecs on February 4, 2009 6:25 pm

    Rawr!!!

  2. Sam on February 4, 2009 6:35 pm

    ‘Really? Because I thought that’s what the assessment was.’ I love it, I laughed so hard!

  3. allyson on February 4, 2009 7:13 pm

    You’re freakin’ awesome!! I can’t wait to celebrate with you when you win!

  4. Scout's Honor on February 4, 2009 7:40 pm

    Wow! Awesome Leslie. This sounds weird, but I’m jealous. Oh for the days at boot camp when someone paid me (meager as the Army’s pay is) to yell and scream and put me in one of the best shapes of my life. Sounds like you got one of my former drill sergeants.

    Much luck. You’re a tough woman. I’m betting on you to win. Go Leslie. Go Leslie. Kick ass.

  5. Aimee on February 4, 2009 7:52 pm

    Awesome. I am excited for you!!

  6. Kate W. on February 4, 2009 8:22 pm

    Leslie- seriously- I have tears in my eyes, I am so proud of you! You.ROCK! I know that there is no way I could do that right now. You CAN do it!!!

  7. Ali on February 4, 2009 8:48 pm

    You are awesome, I’m so thrilled for you. You ARE going to win. I think you’re pretty tough for not punching the trainer woman, too!

  8. Karly on February 4, 2009 9:21 pm

    I am so excited and happy and proud all at the same time. And quite a bit jealous as well. You ARE going to win. You can do it!

  9. Chris H on February 4, 2009 9:24 pm

    Way to go girl!

  10. Toni on February 4, 2009 9:38 pm

    You. Are. So. Brave. Wow!

  11. much more than a mom on February 4, 2009 10:13 pm

    Wow – way to go! You’re brave and awesome and you will kick some ass.

  12. Daddy Forever on February 4, 2009 11:34 pm

    Good for you. I use to like real hard workouts, but I’m too much of a wimp now. On another note, you’re smoking the other contestants. Gee, I wonder who’s going to win.

  13. Angela on February 4, 2009 11:36 pm

    That’s great! I’m cheering for ya!

  14. Leslie on February 4, 2009 11:55 pm

    That’s right!!!

  15. Leslie on February 4, 2009 11:56 pm

    I would laugh, too. If my abs weren’t so sore.

  16. Leslie on February 4, 2009 11:58 pm

    I was eyeing up the competition at orientation. I’m pretty sure I can take ‘em.

  17. Leslie on February 5, 2009 12:01 am

    I figure this is a pretty fail-safe plan for losing the weight. I’m all out of excuses!

  18. Leslie on February 5, 2009 12:04 am

    I’m excited, too. Also scared.

    I’m probably 60% excited and 40% scared.

    Nah, wait. 40% excited and 60% scared.

  19. Leslie on February 5, 2009 12:09 am

    Thank you! I know it’s going to be hard, but I am committed. I appreciate your support!!!

  20. Leslie on February 5, 2009 12:14 am

    I hated that trainer, but I sure didn’t want to quit in front of her. She was tough, but so am I!

  21. Leslie on February 5, 2009 12:19 am

    I had just hit send on an I Miss You e-mail to you when your comment popped up. How’s that for timing?

    Just think, I probably wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for that BlogHer deadline looming in the distance.

  22. Leslie on February 5, 2009 12:20 am

    Now if I can only get through the next 12 weeks!

  23. Leslie on February 5, 2009 12:23 am

    You know, I think I am a little bit brave. Even more than I thought. That’s a really great feeling.

  24. Amy on February 5, 2009 7:36 am

    Way to go Leslie! It will get easier, but it will never stop sucking :)

  25. Leslie on February 5, 2009 10:55 pm

    Thanks! I am waaay out of my comfort zone, but I’m doing it!

  26. Leslie on February 5, 2009 10:56 pm

    It’s looking like 2009 may the be year of the WIN for me.

  27. Leslie on February 5, 2009 10:57 pm

    Thanks! I can use the support!

  28. Leslie on February 5, 2009 11:02 pm

    I can’t tell you how many times I wished you were out here so we could do this together. I was the only person that showed up alone! Everyone else had a friend with them. I’m the Fat Lone Ranger.

    It was tough, but I’m doing it!

    And hey! I got your card today. It was PERFECT! I LOVED IT!

  29. Well, I Made It : My Mommy’s Place on April 26, 2009 2:06 am

    [...] The last workout is over. All that’s left is the final weigh-in and The Biggest Loser contest I started 12 weeks ago will be finished. [...]

  30. As Far As Losers Go, I Am The Biggest : My Mommy’s Place on April 27, 2009 5:15 pm

    [...] I won. I am The Biggest Loser. [...]

  31. Remember that episode of “Friends” when Jon Favreau tells Monica he wants to be the Ultimate Fighting Champion? This feels like that. : My Mommy's Place on March 13, 2012 3:39 am

    [...] I lost weight (more than 100 pounds!) after Lucy was born, I had a BlogHer conference and a biggest loser contest breathing down my neck to make me make it happen NOW (or THEN, I suppose). Well, I think I’ve [...]

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