Last night I came home from Julia’s Kindergarten Open House, headed straight to my computer, clicked Write Post and furiously began typing in an effort to tame my flurry of thoughts and emotions into something resembling sanity. But five sentences in, I stopped. I deleted. And I did not publish anything. I was suddenly very aware that my blog is not anonymous. And I have learned that you should never assume that someone doesn’t read your blog. Especially if the URL is on your bumper. Or a t-shirt you like to wear. Also the business cards your husband handed out at the Farmer’s Market because it had your Etsy web address on it.
My blog is about me. Much of what I’ve written here over the past three years has also been about Julia. Our lives have been so intermeshed, it’s hard to discern which stories are hers and which are mine. But this step into Kindergarten has made a distinction between us. And I have to be reasonable about how what I write here will affect her life apart from me. It’s true that I had no problem writing about her journey to preschool, but that was different. Julia’s preschool was a little piece of heaven and I couldn’t even invent something negative to write about it. Kindergarten is different. The way I feel about it is best expressed in the following song by Cartman of South Park. Just change the words “third grade” to “Monstessori preschool.”
So, I’m not going tell you about the parent that gave me nightmares. Or the other stuff that made me feel a little peacocky. But I will tell you this: I realize that I have been lucky. I’ve been able to provide my children with rich learning opportunities and surround them with friends that have involved parents who are all positive role models. This is not the case, or even the hope, for all parents.
Regardless of who she shares it with, I expect that Julia’s Kindergarten experience will be a good one. She’s going to learn and grow in ways I can’t even imagine yet. And my doubts will fade as I learn where I fit in it all. Because I am still her first and best teacher. The rest is just outsourcing.