You know those desk bells that you find on….desks? Like at a hotel front desk? Or the fabric cutting station at Jo-Ann’s? Or the Wal-Mart fitting room?

I hate them.

I will do anything I can to avoid using them. I’ll clear my throat. I’ll cough. I’ll do a little, “Helloooo? Anyone?” I’ll stomp around. Basically I’ll attempt to gain the attention I need in any way other than ringing that bell.

I’m not sure why I’m so opposed to ringing the bell. After all, they were the ones who chose to be alerted to my presence in this way. They put the bell there. Some bell providers even go so far as to leave a note giving explicit permission to ring it. Still, it just feels wrong.

Now and then, someone will seem a little annoyed when I finally break down and use it. But I think that has less to do with the bell and more to do with working at Wal-Mart. The annoyed ones are always at the Wal-Mart. At Jo-Ann’s, they sing hello as they skip over to cut my fabric. Probably because they get to wear crazy bedazzled kitten sweatshirts and talk about yarn. That’s a mighty happy existence, if you ask me.

Today I had cause to be waiting for assistance at a counter with a bell. If I craned my neck, I could catch a glimpse of some employees in the back. So, I strained toward them and cleared my throat. I placed my keys on the counter. Hard. I coughed. I yawned loudly. I sniffed noisily. I whistled. I tapped my fingers and my toes. Finally, I rang the damn bell.

The girl who came out was all smiles and giggles. I am totally convinced that they were back there waiting to see how long I’d go before I rang that bell.

Also, I think the dude with the afro at the dollar store was flirting with me. This has nothing to do with bells. I just wanted to tell you.