what this child does to my heart
she’s my joy, my love
I dropped Julia off at school on Tuesday, then Lucy and I headed for the IGA to pick up milk, bread and chili powder. And we did. While we were waiting to pay for our three items, a woman got in line behind me. She waited for about thirty seconds then started to move past me while saying, “Can I get my milk ahead of you?”
I was dumbfounded. She was already paying when I said, “Uhhh, I guess so.” Did I really have a choice? She’d gone and done it. What could I say? “Um, NO. How about you do like you were taught in Kindergarten, go back in line and WAIT YOUR TURN?” I couldn’t say that. But I wanted to. Actually, I wanted to say worse than that. I was annoyed.
I tried to calm myself with some rational thinking. “Maybe she has a good reason,” I thought to myself. Perhaps she just had explosive diarrhea. Maybe her husband is dying and his last request is for a glass of milk. But she gave no reason. If she would have followed up her request with a little explanation like, “I’m running late,” or “I’m not feeling very well,” it would have been a little less bothersome. I’m not totally unreasonable. Still, who does this stuff? It wasn’t as if I had a cart full of items and she just had the one. And even if that were the case, is it appropriate to ask someone to give up their space in line? I don’t think it is.
The universal NO LINE JUMPING law is steadfast. You just don’t do it. It’s rude. The only exception is when someone ahead of you invites you to move up and that’s only okay if they are the only person you jump. Everyone knows this. Right?
I usually offer to let someone with significantly less items go ahead of me. That’s common courtesy. But to ask someone to let you go first? That’s kind of a dick move. And it upset me. Because she completely disregarded me. I’m not sure what her hurry was, but I had a human grenade in my cart whose pin was pulled the moment we walked in that store. But she didn’t care about that. She didn’t care about me at all. And that made me feel really, really bad.
So, here’s my question to you: how do you deal with someone with bad manners without exhibiting bad manners yourself? Is there a graceful way to respond to a line jumper? Specifically, is there a graceful way to respond to a line jumper that would feel as satisfying as throwing her milk and calling her an a-hole?
“Since you’re both in your Halloween shirts, let’s take some pictures on the window seat,” I said.
Julia is always ready to pose and hopped right up there.
Lucy was reluctant and avoided the camera. After a great deal of coaxing, she got on the window seat. “Get close together,” I said. And they did the exact opposite of that.
So, I started to sing. They cannot resist joining in when I sing. (This is why we have a songs for taking a bath, getting dressed, putting toys away, eating our food, putting on our shoes, combing our hair, brushing our teeth, changing a diaper, going to the potty, taking medicine and if I’m forgetting something, I promise you, there’s a song for it. And if there’s not, I can make one up.)
After that, it was fun and silly and I got this last picture of them about a second before they burst out laughing.
That’s my favorite.
Dave and I are a week into our 8K training program and I’ve discovered some ways to improve my running time. You may want to try them. (There’s a small amount of risk involved. Your bladder could explode. There’s also frostbite. And rabies. But, no pain, no gain! Right?)
1. Do not go to the bathroom before you run. You run faster when you have to pee.
2. Run when it is cold. It’s actually harder NOT to run when you’re freezing.
3. Begin running at dusk on a wooded path. Nothing will get your ass moving like the fear of wild animals and the inability to see them coming for you once the sun goes down.
When I did all three of those things at the same time, I had my fastest run ever. Still, Dave finished ahead of me. He does this thing where he starts walking toward me from the finish line, and then, when I’ve almost reached him, he starts walking back. He thinks this will motivate me to run faster to catch him. It works, I guess, because I find myself fantasizing about the day I catch his arrogant ass and TAKE HIM DOWN.
That’s gonna be a good day.
Last night, when we downshifted into our cool down walk, Dave told me, “I think I may have figured out a race strategy. I think if I can get out in front early in the race and then crack off some farts, it’d give me an advantage. I think it’d be hard to run through that stuff.”
“Did you smell anything back there?”
“I need to experiment with the distance.”
“Are you totally disgusted by me?”
“I was just thinking, you should probably run in a zig zag pattern.”
“To maximize my coverage.”
“Right. And you know how Ok Go did that treadmill dance? We should do something like that, but with running.”
“Our next race is gonna ROCK.”
“You should probably download that “Party in the U.S.A.” song for Julia.”
“Oh, you mean for you?”
“No, for Julia.”
“And for you.”
“NO. I don’t like that song. But Julia likes that song. You should download for her.”
“Alright. I’ll download it for you.”
“NO! For JULIA.”
“Okay, for <*air quotes*>Julia<*air quotes*>.”
“Seriously. For Julia. I don’t even like that song. I can’t stand that song! But she really enjoys it, you know.”
“Uh-huh, I know….Julia.”
After practicing all week, Julia joined the high school cheerleaders at the varsity football game this evening to Cheer For A Cure. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her so excited.
She had so much fun with her friends. The girl you see her with here is pretty much her best friend from school. I know this, because Julia actually knows her name. And they play Unicorns together every day at recess. What is “Unicorns,” you ask? According to Julia, it’s AWESOME. That’s all I know.
The high school cheerleaders were really incredible with the little girls. They were sweet and attentive and patient and behaved like good role models. Their mothers should be proud of them.
The biddy cheerleaders helped make the tunnel for the football players to run through and then cheered for the first half of the game. They also performed a pregame dance.
(I loved that little cheerleading kick Julia did at the end. She was really, really into the whole thing.)
It was a great night, in spite of the rain. The high school marching band played Blitzkrieg Bop during the pregame show. And at half-time, the majorette twirled a FIRE baton – that’s a baton that someone has SET ON FIRE – while they played Hot N Cold as made famous by Katy Perry which was the double-freaking butt kick.
FIRE! And look!
SHE THROWS IT IN THE AIR AND CATCHES IT.
Maybe I’m easily impressed, but I gave the child a standing ovation. That was FIRE, DUDE.
Oh, and there was football.
I couldn’t tell you who won except that my family doctor won an autographed football.