I am fascinated with the art and science of Feng Shui. I was introduced to it by a groovy professor I did some student teaching with in grad school before I dropped out. She piqued my interest, so I bought a book on clearance at the mall that came with a special compass. (I am blogging now from my bed which is positioned facing east in my Creativity and Children area! This is no accident!) I gave my apartment a makeover and was so pleased with the results, I ran around sticking bamboo plants in the Wealth areas of all my friends’ houses. And when I met Dave, that was the first gift I gave him. He thought it was so sexy that nine months later, we had Julia, all thanks to Feng Shui.

Obviously, there’s something to it.

So, when I read that I could amplify the energy and attract more wealth Chi by placing an aquarium in my Money and Abundance area, I did. It didn’t start so well. (Remember Fridgie, The Sacrificial Fish?) It was pretty much a death machine for the first few weeks. But eventually I got it under control and was able to maintain a tank of seven (that’s a magic number!) fish for more than a year.

Then one died.

This made me concerned immediately as our budget is like a narcoleptic man in one of those giant inflatable sumo wrestling suits juggling knives and fire while riding a unicycle on a tightrope over the the whirlpool at Niagara Falls. A light breeze could send it hurtling toward certain death. Imagine what the loss of a fish – and not just any fish, but a MONEY FISH – might do. So, I broke into Julia’s piggy bank for some money, which wasn’t really stealing so much as investing, headed for our local fish store and bought a replacement.

Twenty minutes later, harmony was restored.

An hour and twenty minutes later, we got an offer on the old house.

You see, three years and three months ago, we put our house up for sale. Our realtor felt the house would sell within six months, so we made sure we could afford for it to take up to a year and moved to Ohio to live the lives we were born to live. A year came and went, and though we had offers on the house that we accepted, no one seemed to be able to come through with the financing required to buy it. Even the “pre-approved” people couldn’t pull it off. So, we got a credit card and said a prayer. Another year passed and still no sale. Dave knocked me up so I couldn’t start drinking. We got another credit card and bought a St. Joseph statue. I buried him near the For Sale sign.

Consequently, this offer was the first offer we’d gotten since I put old Joe six inches under.

Clearly, our luck had changed and all was right with the world!

I wish it were a picture.

But two weeks later all my fish died and the sale on the house fell through.

This time, I’ve added a Golden Snail along with my 7 (that’s a magic number!) new fish. The snail laid eggs the day I put him in the tank, which I’m hoping is a good sign. But I’m not leaving it all up to Feng Shui. I’ve also started drinking.