Month: December 2009 (page 1 of 2)

It Would Have Been Better If I Could Have Found Something Gold And Shimmery To Wear. Instead I Just Feathered My Hair.

We spent the last day of the year at the local roller rink where Julia learned to skate and I pretended to be Olivia Newton-John.

Here we are.

Julia and me skating

I’m singing Xanadu to Julia. My camera battery was going dead, too, so everything’s a bit fuzzy.

Skating!

See how she’s trying to get away from me? Probably because of the singing. Or because when she fell down moments ealier and reached out to me for help, I ran over her pinky.

Here she is skating with Dave. He may be her preferred roller buddy, but I’d kick his ass at roller derby.

That video is a perfect metaphor for 2009. Let’s all hope that 2010 finds us a bit steadier and a little less screwed up.

Some Play On Words About “Toast” And “The New Year”

we start the New Year
with our little tradition:
a midnight breakfast*

*Dave has had to work every New Year – including this one – since we’ve been together, with the exception of last year. And every year he works, I send along a delicious breakfast casserole so he can enjoy our tradition with his co-workers. It’s pretty yummy. Here’s the recipe if you’d like to try it.

Ingredients

1 pound sausage
1 medium sweet onion, chopped
6 eggs, lightly beaten
4 cups frozen shredded hash brown potatoes, thawed
2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cups small curd cottage cheese
1 1/4 cups shredded Swiss cheese

Directions

In a large skillet, cook sausage and onion until brown; drain. In a bowl, combine the remaining ingredients; stir in sausage mixture. Transfer to a greased 13-in. x 9-in. x 2-in. baking dish.

Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees F for 35-40 minutes or until set and bubbly. Let stand for 10 minutes before cutting.

I Am The Least Popular Person In My House Today

ornaments are packed
the lights go out for the year
bye bye Christmas tree

It’s Getting Serious, Yo. I Make Sesame Street’s Bert Look Metrosexual.

if you come near me
you may become entangled
my eyebrows need waxed

Daddy’s Bald Spot: A Haiku By Julia

My daddy is bald
on just one spot on his head
without shaving it.

Dave’s Play-Doh Playhouse Presents Snakes Vs. Snowman

Snakes vs. Snowman

Oh no!

Garglehmmmpppph!

Nom nom nom

The Miracle Of The Christmas Card Photo

As you know, I photoshopped* the picture we used for our Christmas cards this year. I didn’t like the way my head looked in the original (on the left), so I replaced it with a smilier version with fuller hair (on the right) which Dave says was pointless if all I was going to do was show it to you anyway.

Original Christmas Picture Christmas

Dave doesn’t know anything.

* Technically, the picture isn’t “photoshopped” as I do not own that software. Instead, I used a free limited version of Picture It! that came on my old laptop, which means I’m like a wizard, although not really a wizard, because if I were a real wizard, I could probably hook myself up with Photoshop.

Catch Up On Christmas, I Hope Yours Is Merry

I haven’t posted in ten days. TEN DAYS, dude. That’s like a record for me. Did you think I was dead? Maybe you didn’t notice. Perhaps you were hoping. The thing is, I’ve been busy.

(I know. It’s annoying when people say that – well, at least if you’re one of those competitive types that take the “Oh, I’m sooo busy!” as a Who’s The Busiest? Smackdown challenge. That’s not this, though.)

Around Thanksgiving, I wrote a Super Christmas Mega Plan. I even put it in a binder! The objective of the SCMP was threefold: 1) to enable me to accomplish all of my Christmas related tasks 2) with minimal stress and 3) adequate sleep. Because I usually end up making these lofty yuletide goals that I blow completely out of proportion and go without rest to accomplish and therefore do not enjoy because I’m bitchy and tired. But not this year! I was ready! And organized! Also possibly medicated!

Then Lucy got the flu. And I got the flu. So did my mom. And the SCMP died a horrible death. I flushed it down the toilet with a bucket of puke. Still, by neglecting to document my goings on here at the bloggdiggity interweb space, I was able to get things done with only two all-nighters and one almost all-nighter. And I am satisfied. Except that there’s a lot I didn’t get to share with you that I really wanted to and by the time Christmas is done, well, the joy will just have expired. So, here’s list of stuff I wanted to tell you about that I didn’t get to tell you about that I’m going to tell you about, but not in the very special way I was hoping to tell you about it.

1. I volunteered at Santa’s Secret Shop at Julia’s school. I wasn’t so much an elf as a personal shopper, but it was cool. The kids were awesome, especially this one little boy who was allowed to use his extra money after buying for everyone on his list for himself, but he didn’t, instead he bought his mom earrings. I wrote down his name. I’d like Julia to marry him.

2. I made bags of homemade Christmas treats for all of my mom’s emloyees. There are like fifty. That’s a lot of treats to make, yo. That was all-nighter #1.

3. I made homemade craft aprons for the kids in Julia’s playgroup. Here’s a picture of Lucy wearing one.

Apron!

4. I made sock monkeys for each of the kids in my Kindermusik class because they are the best kids in the world. I thought of also making them official documents stating that they are the best kids in the world, but they already know it and they’re not big on bragging, so I just went with the monkeys. And Santa cupcakes. This was all-nighter #2.

5. I made cupcakes for Julia’s Christmas party at school. I also attended the party. I poured red Kool Aid drinks and felt pretty special when I saw Julia’s drawing at her seat.

It says "Momma"

6. I made 16 loaves of holiday bread and gave them as gifts. I had one day during which all of the cookies and bread I made came out looking like penises. Should I have given those ones to the people I liked the most or the least?

7. Julia had a Christmas program. I have evidence on video.

8. Dave played Santa for my Kindermusik Christmas brouhaha. Julia knew it was him and had some doubts about the whole Santa system. But then, since Dave had to work, we had someone else do Santa for the playgroup Christmas party and her faith was restored. Kinda. Actually, at this very moment, she’s in her room peering out the window waiting for the big man in red to arrive.

Kindermusik Christmas Julia and Santa at the Playgroup Christmas Party

9. Thanks to the wordly ways of the Kindergarten, Julia came up with a last minute Christmas list addition: a Nintendo DS. Of course, I hadn’t planned to get her one being of the “simple gifts that inspire creative thinking” sort of mindset and I most certainly did not have the means to pick one up anyway. So, I gave her a Wal-Mart catalog and told her to find it for me, which she couldn’t because the only reason she wants one is because every other kid in her class wants one. I don’t think she’ll be disappointed when it isn’t here on Christmas morning and if she is, I intend to blame Dave.

10. I photoshopped someone’s head in our Christmas card picture. Everyone was smiling nicely except one person, so I took the head from another picture and stuck it in this one. Can you guess who?

Christmas

The Christmas Photos That Didn’t Make The Card

Christmas Card Photo Outtakes

the lighting was bad
they were too busy singing
Jingle Butt to pose

It’s A Good Thing They’re A Good Source Of 10 Essential Vitamins And Minerals

Rice Krispies Treat Christmas Wreaths

The directions say,
“Store for no more than two days.”
That’s no problem. Burp.

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