Month: October 2010 (page 1 of 2)

I always quote that one Deep Thought by Jack Handey when we carve pumpkins.

Last night, we carved pumpkins and introduced the term “diva” into the Grimmett lexicon. As in, “Daddy is such a diva.” Because, dude. HE IS. Anytime we take on a supposed-to-be-fun task, like carving pumpkins, he gets this I-can’t-work-under-these-conditions kind of attitude.

Carving Pumpkins

“Don’t stand so close to me when I’m using a knife!”

After the tops have been removed and we’re elbow-deep in pumpkin guts, “Why don’t we do this on a day when we can make sure Lucy gets her nap first? And it’s not getting so late?”

“We’re not going to do this if you don’t stop throwing pumpkin seeds!”

“Why can’t I get mine to work? Ugh, the handle’s coming off!! This knife is a piece of crap! YOU finish it.”

In all fairness to my husband, he only said the first thing I quoted last night. The rest were from the year prior. And then my mom threw a handful of pumpkin guts at his head. I guess he learned his lesson. Or he didn’t but we reminded him because we love to tell the story of how my mom threw pumpkin guts at Dave’s head.

In all fairness to my mom, Dave once threw a snowball at her head.

So, here are our pumpkins. From left to right: The headless horsemen’s pumpkin head (you know, the one he threw at Ichabod Crane?); Sloth from The Goonies (“Hey you guuuys!”); Julia’s “salesman” (I don’t get it either.); and Lucy’s pumpkin that’s “really, really happy.”

Our Pumpkins

Oh, and the Deep Thought: “Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.”

Right now, it annoys Dave when I recite it. But if I die before him, it’s just the kind of thing he’ll remember about me and miss.

Be happy, Halloweeners!

Let It Shine, Shine, Shine All Around the World

Phoebe!

So, Barry sang that
about “Daybreak.” But it still
applies to her smile.

Potty Talk

Lucy: (retires to a corner and stands quietly)

Me: Lucy, do you have to poop?

Lucy: Uh-huh.

Me: Would you like to go poop in the potty?

Lucy: No!

Me: C’mon! Let’s go. I’ll sit with you.

Lucy: No!

Me: Lucy, let’s go poop in the potty.

Lucy: NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Me: Honey, why don’t you want to poop in the potty?

Lucy: I poop in potty and my potty cry and cry and cry.

Me: Well, I could understand that if we were talking about your dad…

Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

Handprint Spiders! On Your Arm! Eeeeek!

There’s nothing like a spider to give me chills on Halloween. Or any other day for that matter. Have your kids lend their hands to make this creepy craft they can wear.

Here’s what you’ll need to make it.

Handprint Spiders Supplies

Supplies:

  • Black construction paper
  • White and yellow paper scraps
  • Scissors
  • Glue
  • Tape
  • Pencil

Directions:

  1. Fold a piece of black construction paper in half.
  2. Place your child’s hand palm down along the folded edge and trace only the fingers.
  3. Handprint Spiders 1

  4. Cut along the outline you traced.
  5. Handprint Spiders 2

  6. Unfold your cutout. You should have a flat spider with eight legs.
  7. Handprint Spiders 3

  8. Roll the legs around your pencil to make them curl. Now your spider will stand on its legs.
  9. Handprint Spiders 4

    Handprint Spiders 5

  10. From your scrap paper, cut out some eyes and any other decorative shapes you may want to add and glue them to your spider.
  11. Handprint Spiders 6

  12. Cut a strip from the remaining black construction paper and tape the ends together to create a wristband.
  13. Handprint Spiders 7

  14. Attach the wristband to the underside of the spider using tape.
  15. Handprint Spiders 8

  16. Slip it onto your child’s arm and you’ve got a spider bracelet!
  17. Handprint Spiders 9

Originally written for and posted on the now-defunct My OH! Momma website.

Our Halloween Costumes

Me and my girls, dressed for Halloween

There’s a snow princess,
a butterfly, a kitty,
and a zombie mom

I Just Can’t Smile Without You, Barry Manilow.

One of the things Dave claims he cannot understand about me is my love for Barry Manilow. And Neil Diamond. As if he doesn’t get it. (Don’t let him fool you. America is on the playlist for his Fantasy Rock Concert at Bathroom Arena. And he knows all the words to Mandy.) I mean, come on. How many men can wear a chest-bearing shirt that’s glittery, sequined or otherwise embellished in a sparkly fashion and still be sexy? Only men who know and can sing about love and desire like Barry and Neil.

I used to listen to Could It Be Magic and gaze at the cover of my mom’s Manilow Magic: The Best of Barry Manilow album when I was younger.

Manilow Magic

It may have inspired my first impure thought. That is, if it wasn’t Hanky Panky and the cover of Tommy James and the Shondells 26 Great Hits.

Tommy James

Look at that chest hair!

Now, Phoebe absolutely despises her car seat. (I know, it seems unrelated. It’s not.) But she doesn’t hate it as much as she likes Barry Manilow. (See?) So we’ve been listening to him a lot in the car, lately. We listened to him on the way to piano class this week. I sang along loud enough that Julia shrunk down in her seat at stoplights because she was certain the people in the cars around us could hear what I was rocking out* to. Phoebe went to sleep, which was great for the car ride, but not so great for piano class where she refused to sleep and demanded to nurse which the teenagers in the waiting room found apalling. I could tell by the sideways glances followed by eyerolls and furiously typed text messages. (I wonder if I made someone’s Facebook page. OMG! There’s a woman breastfeeding right next to me! Ewwww!)

After class, Julia asked that we listen to NOT-Barry Manilow. So, I put Phoebe back in her car seat and she screamed our way to Wal Mart. I wept at the fact that Dave has brainwashed Julia to believe she’d rather listen to the siren-like wails of an angry baby puncuated by my choruses of “I told ya so” and “Happy now?” than Barry Manilow.

I wrapped Phoebe in the Moby when we got to the store because she won’t do the carry-along car seat in the cart, even if I sing Weeked in New England as we shop. (There’s just no substitute for Mr. Manilow.) Her wails simmered to whimpers as she settled into my chest, then spit up between my breasts and fell asleep.

This is life without Barry Manilow. Screaming. Wailing. Bathing in a vile, putrid-smelling substance with the eternal fire of unrequited desire for soft, romantic music burning in my heart. Add some gnashing of teeth and I think that’s called hell.

(*Dave feels that it is impossible to “rock out” to Barry Manilow and believes I should call it something else. I feel that Dave is jealous of Barry and believe he should get over it because on more than one occasion, Barry’s aphrodisiac qualities got him laid.)

On Loving

Sisters!

It’s hard to be cruel
to anyone when you know
they love and are loved

Lucy and Phoebe

whoever they are
somebody loves them – the way
you love your children

Julia and Phoebe

whoever they are
they love – or deserve to love
someone this way, too

Lucy and Julia

Spooktacular Salt Dough Ghosts

Your kids will have a scream making these boo-tiful ghosts from a simple salt dough recipe. They’re perfect for a party favor craft, decoration or just plain fun! Here’s what you need to make them.

Salt Dough Ghosts Supplies

Supplies:

  • 1 cup of flour
  • 1 cup of salt
  • 1/2 cup of water
  • Bowl
  • Wooden spoon
  • Microwave-safe plate
  • Black Marker

Directions:

  1. Combine the flour, salt and water in a bowl and mix using a wooden spoon.
  2. Salt Dough Ghosts 1

  3. Divide the dough and shape into ghosts.
  4. Salt Dough Ghosts 2

  5. Place the ghosts on a microwave-safe plate and heat them in the microwave for 30 seconds at a time (up to a total of 2 minutes) until dough is firm. Let cool.
  6. Salt Dough Ghosts 3

  7. Use the marker to draw on eyes and a mouth.
  8. Salt Dough Ghosts 4

    Scary!
    Salt Dough Ghosts 5

A few tips:

  • If you’d rather not use the microwave, preheat the oven to 250 degrees and bake for approximately 2 hours.
  • If the dough is too gooey, add some extra flour or pop it in the oven at 250 degrees until slightly warm.
  • Get creative! Add food coloring to the dough and shape pumpkins or gravestones to create a spooky scene.

Originally written for and posted on the now-defunct My OH! Momma website.

I Shot My Best Golf Game The First Time I Played. This Is Probably Like That.

My reinforcements are all back to work, so I went through the morning routine with all three girls on my own today. I had to get up about an hour and a half earlier than usual, but I’m proud to say, I did it! I managed to get all of us up, dressed and fed with no meltdowns or injuries. I even managed to get Julia to school on time.

I rewarded myself with a nonfat, sugar-free french vanilla cappuccino. WITH CAFFEINE!

I know it may seem a little premature, especially considering I still have to make it through after-school pick-up which requires parking the van, removing the children, walking to the school and physically retrieving Julia (Oh, how I miss preschool and the drive-up pick-up!), but I feel like a rock star.

My confidence is officially boosted.

Exhausted, Voracious, and Free of Legal Addictive Stimulants.

Whoever came up with the idea to “sleep when the baby sleeps” had to have been the parent of just one child. Because if you have more than one, that’s actually really terrible advice. The only way you can actually accomplish this is if you 1) lock up your house so tight even Houdini couldn’t escape it, and 2) are totally willing to lose any of the contents in your home. Otherwise, you may wake up and find your six-year-old outside with no shoes on in 50 degree weather trying to fill up the paddling pool with the hose, the toddler naked – except for the marker she’s colored herself and the hardwood floors with – taking a singular bite out of each potato in the bin, and a cat trapped in a drawer. I won’t even tell you about the toothpaste.

It’s amazing what children can accomplish in fifteen minutes. If only they were able to muster that kind of enthusiasm, determination and ingenuity when I ask them to clean up.

In other news, I’m starving. ALL THE TIME. I think it’s the tandem nursing. At least I hope it is and I’m burning up all the calories I’m consuming. If not, somebody better get a crane on standby, because I’m eating enough to be housebound in a matter of weeks.

It doesn’t help that McDonald’s has Monopoly right now.

How soon can you start running after a c-section?

I’m still caffeine-free, though. So that’s something.

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