You all know I’d been in a funk recently. It was pretty obvious why.
My inadequate cell
fossil phone. My modern day tin can and string.
This is me, dissatisfied with its primitive technology.
Do you see how I can’t even look at the phone? Do you see the chin hair? Oh, my dreary life!
But my clever husband knew just what to do. He came into our bedroom one day and said, “Listen. Will you come out from under the covers if I get you a new cell phone?”
I peeked out. “You’d get me a new cell phone?”
“You’ve got to get out of those sweatpants first. And put down the doughnut.”
“Can I get a smartphone?” I mumbled through a mouthful of powdered cake bits.
“You have to get a shower to get a smartphone.”
“Can I have an iPhone?”
“Can we have sex?”
And that’s how I got my Droid Global.
This is me now, with my new phone.
The phone covers my chin hair! I feel strong. Happy. Confident.
And sexy? Maybe. You should ask Dave. Or just know that his ring tone happens to be “Hard to Handle” by The Black Crowes.* Can feel me elbowing you in the ribs. Huh? Huh? Uh huh. Hehe. (You may need to pretend. I can communicate with my phone but I can’t actually TOUCH you with it. At least I don’t think I can. Can I?)
Now, I am current. Well, almost. As soon as I learn to actually use the phone I will be. Currently, I have the potential to be current! And you no longer have to wait until I get to my computer to know that I sneezed into the elliptical fan. Or worry that I’ll forget that funny thing my kid said. And I can watch Baby Monkey (Going Backwards on a Pig) ANYTIME!
The only funk I got now is the good kind.