Every time I post a new monkey in our Etsy shop, I’m tempted to write the description in the form of a personal ad.

Camouflage sock monkey

“I”m longing to feel your arms around me!”
Name: Hunter
Birthdate: 9/26/11
Height: 14.5″
Weight: < 1 pound Location: Ohio, but willing to relocate Likes: Hiking, fishing, camping, snuggling by the fire Dislikes: Mayonnaise

Red, black and gold plaid sock monkey

I think this guy‘s name is Hamish.

Neon argyle sock monkey

This monkey reminds me of the ’80s. He probably has an IOU shirt collection. And his favorite band is Glass Tiger.

Instead, I say something like, “Hey, we’re not perfect!” and then give a rundown of what they’re made of. I keep my thoughts to myself because 1) they’re not always very well thought out and 2) someone might see one of my monkeys and totally fall in love with it, then click to buy and be like, “Hamish? Hamish?!! My ex-boyfriend’s name is Hamish and he was a jerk! Forget this!” And then I’ve lost a sale all because of my dumb whimsy.

I also believe all of my monkeys are boys. Not everyone agrees.

So, I leave it up to the buyer which means my monkeys are like Pretty Woman.

You: “What’s your name?”

Gray and purple monkey

Sock Monkey: “What do you want it to be?”