“I don’t even have an inkling,” I lied to Dave. I didn’t even know I was lying. “I have no idea if this kid is a girl or a boy.”

“It’s a boy,” Julia told us.

“No,” Lucy argued. “It’s a girl. I want a girl for The Sister’s Club.”

“We’ll know soon enough,” Dave said, rubbing my belly. Then he shifted into drive and started off to the ultrasound appointment where we’d get a peek at our Caboose.

One hundred and six minutes later, our whole crew was sitting in the dark and staring at a big screen. Julia and Lucy sat on either side of my mom against the wall. Phoebe sat on Dave’s lap near my head, with a gorilla grip on my shoulder. Occasionally, she’d touch my cheek and murmur, “Mama?” so I’d look at her and she could tell that I was okay. She wasn’t so sure about what they were doing to my belly.

My baby

“Look, Bee.” I pointed to the screen. “Do you see the baby?”

“Baby?”

“Mmm-hmmm. The baby in mommy’s belly.”

“Look! A bubble! Baby in dere!”

We listened to the baby’s heartbeat and Julia and Lucy asked a ton of questions. The ultrasound technician was wonderful – she answered them all and took her time pointing things out – the four chambers of the heart, the stomach, the bladder, the cord insert, arms and legs.

Baby Arm

Baby Leg

She measured the baby’s belly, head, and leg from hip to knee. And finally, Julia asked the big question: “So, is it a boy or a girl?”

The baby didn’t want to tell us right away. (In fact, the baby was keeping a lot from us. I have to go back for a follow up ultrasound so they can check out all that they couldn’t see this time around.)

After a bit more looking, a second ultrasound technician came in and said, “I’m going to help finish things up here. Are we finding out the sex?”

“Yes!” We all shouted in unison.

“Okay then, let’s see what we have.”

She moved the transducer all over my belly, but regardless of the view, a little hand was in the way. “Come on, baby. Let’s see what you got,” she said as she poked and pressed on my belly, stirring up some movement. “And there,” she froze the image on the screen and pointed. “Alright. Here’s a leg, here’s a leg, and what’s that in the middle?”

It's a boy!

Lucy jumped up, “It’s a girl!?!”

“No…” Then the ultrasound tech punched a button on the machine and the words it’s a boy!! appeared on the screen.

Julia raised her arms over her head and whooped, “Woohoooo!”

Lucy screamed, “NOOOOOO!”

“A boy? You’re sure?” I asked.

“Absolutely.”

“You’re 100% certain? It’s a boy.”

“You’ve got a son. Are you surprised?”

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I had really expected this child to be a girl. Expected isn’t even the right word. Believed. I believed this baby was a girl. I mean, we have three girls. What are the chances?

I’m not disappointed. (Lucy isn’t either. She’s actually pretty excited about having a brother. She just wasn’t exited about guessing wrong. She was even less excited that Julia was right.) I’m feeling a little surprised. And scared. I’ve got a man to raise, people. I don’t know anything about doing that.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” my mom tried to reassure me. “He’ll be a baby first. You know about babies. Just start there.”

So here we are, my beautiful baby boy, Jackson.

Jackson

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.