It’s FOR my nine year old child. It’s not nine year old cake, silly. The cake is fresh. And so is my nine year old – as in she is newly nine. Like, today. What I’m trying to tell you is today is Julia’s ninth birthday and this is her cake.

Julia's 9th Birthday Cake

I made it. Almost twice. The first batch of cake layers I made crumbled apart. Still, we ate them. Because throwing away cake is like breaking a commandment. And I began anew. My body is comprised mostly of cake at this point and not even in a they-say-you-are-what-you-eat kind of way, but in an I-have-swallowed-that-much-cake kind of way.

I made the fondant myself, and folks, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. My life is transformed, at least as far as cake-making goes. This homemade fondant is spectacular. I have total control over the consistency and I can color it earlier on in the process when the marshmallow is liquid, so no kneading it in. You guys, I hated kneading the color in. It was hard to get it uniform and it’d get all over my hands and just NO. All my problems are solved or at least I have one less problem!

If you aren’t totally impressed by the fondant from the picture, you should consider that my application skills still need work. It wouldn’t look any better with bought fondant. In fact it would have looked worse, because when I buy my fondant, I’m so afraid of screwing it up that whatever I do the first time is what it is going to be. Since I made my own fondant and knew I could whip up a new batch in minutes, I didn’t just settle for screwed up, until I got tired and was like, whatever. But before then, I was like, “That’s not quite right. Let’s try that again.” And if I had more stamina, this cake would be so much better and we’d all be thanking the fondant for that.

Julia likes it. She plans to pick up the softball (that’s supposed to be a softball on top) in her hand and eat it like an apple once the birthday song has been sung. And she may, my friends. She may, praise the fondant!