I had an exceptionally bad day (or two) where I simply could not stand myself. I felt too disgusting and repulsive to show my face in public and I felt anxious when I had to. I clung on the verge of tears and tortured myself with evidence that I am good at and for nothing.
Dave watched me empty my drawers and cry because nothing I put on made me look like anything other than me. He tried to hug me. He said he loved me. I told him I couldn’t understand why. It probably wasn’t his best day (or two) either.
When he left for work, I was certain he felt glad to go and get away from me. Who wouldn’t? But he came home and surprised me by taking the next day off to be with me. I didn’t even want to be with me! And he sent me roses.
I wish I could say that flipped my happy switch back on, but I was still a bit moody. Also loved. Very, very loved.
Dave crossed an item off his bucket list at the Cy Young Days Festival last weekend when he got to play in a vintage base ball game.
The local youth recreation league coaches teamed up to play the Ohio Village Muffins.
They played using a lemon peel ball.
And according to the rules of 1860 base ball.
It was pretty fun to watch.
It began on Friday with the dance recital.
Phoebe tapped and plie’d.
And after a four year break, Lucy returned to the stage for her second-ever dance performance.
You’ll have to ask Dave how it went. Since I’d been to rehearsal and seen the show already, I agreed to be the one to remove Jack should he become a distraction, which he did. We walked the lobby, my boy and I, where he acted as host to all the other restless children that stopped by. He’d say hello, show them the water fountain, invite them to play. And for the first time in eight years, Dave saw a show.
The piano recital happened on Sunday.
Lucy played London Bridge.
Julia played the first movement of Beethoven’s Sonatina in G Major.
And Dave listened from the hallway with Jack.
We’ve gotten out the giant bubbles.
And ball season has officially begun. Lucy’s team kicked it off with their first game (and first win) last night.
Also, her first ever home run!
Julia’s team has their first game next week, and Phoebe’s team begins playing the following week. That’s three teams and thirty-two games. (Two games down, thirty to go!) And then, there will be tournaments!
This season marks Dave’s eighth year of coaching. Our kids have never played ball on a team their dad didn’t help coach, which hasn’t always been an easy feat. We are so very thankful he has a job and work schedule (along with some sleep deprivation and strategically planned vacation days) that have enabled him to pull it off. Because it’s his passion – not just ball, but teaching the kids to love playing the game. It’s something between them and him that I can only sit on the sidelines and feel honored to watch. It’s a strong thread in the fabric of our family and there’s enough of it that they can wrap themselves up in it and feel secure, long after the season is done.
I like to imagine a future once the kids are grown where part of coming home includes an enormous family game. I’ll lead the cheering section with the smallest of my grandkids and then serve a Martha Stewart level post-game meal where Dave will give out the game ball.
These are the good feelings I need to hold on to over the next eight weeks – for when we lose, when we’re tired, when we’re stressed, when it’s hard. Because, truly, it’s worth it.
We were out on a dreary day and met a crawdad on the way to our walking trail. He was the biggest I’d ever seen!
He was right beside the road, closer to our house than to the trail, making his way to the stream after a big rain. He didn’t move for the longest time. Still, Bee and Jack were happy to sit still in their wagon and watch him from there.
Once we got off the road, the kids ditched their ride to enjoy the freedom of the trail. Jack ran ahead as fast as he could. Bee took her time, and stopped to investigate rocks and pick flowers.
We stopped at the brown bridge.
Bee was wearing pajamas bottoms. That would have driven me nuts before. Not now. Not anymore.
I love walking the trail. It’s easier to be present there.
It’s easier to feel grateful.
We were out on the trail on a sunny day while Lucy and Dave were at softball.
Jack and Julia walked ahead while Bee held my hand, letting go now and then to pick me a flower or to pick up a lucky stone and put it in her pocket.
After a while, Julia carried Jack.
We could hear them laughing and singing songs.
And so Bee and I caught up to them and joined in.
I felt grateful.
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