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Go Nigel, Go!
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Would You Like To Buy My Monkeys?
I was one of those women… you know the ones. The women that “know” they will be great at motherhood even before they have met the man who will help them conceive their first child. I looked at seasoned mothers and thought, “Surely it isn’t as hard as they make it sound?” I had grand ideas like, “My child will never watch a minute of television before the age of five,” and “I will never feed my child fast food.” Yeah, I would hate me if I met that know-it-all today.
What was I thinking? I was so completely naïve. I truly and stupidly believed that because I had done some babysitting in high school that I knew what I was in for when it came to having my own children. The truth is that nothing, and I do mean absolutely nothing, will prepare you for what motherhood will be like until you are handed that tiny screaming bundle and are thrown directly into the trenches of motherhood.
Aaron came into this world a healthy seven pounds, twelve ounces on January 11, 2005 at 5:46 pm via a very unplanned cesarean section. That was my first mistake as a mother, thinking that I had any control over how that little guy would be born. I felt like a failure as a mother right away because I didn’t deliver him the way that I had planned. I doubted how I would handle all of the other challenges that would be thrown my way if I couldn’t even deliver my son correctly. Of course, three years later I know that there is no right or wrong way to deliver a child, but you can’t tell that to a hormonal post-partum mother who is crazy with exhaustion.
Nursing didn’t go as well as I had planned either. I am still not really sure what exactly the problem was, but I think that I just never really relaxed enough to get into a good routine with him and I ended up supplementing with formula a lot. I, in my post-partum craziness, believed that I was doing Aaron an injustice with all of the supplementing and was sure that he would never reach his intelligence potential because I had chosen to give him formula. I remember standing in my kitchen, on the phone with a lactation consultant late one night fighting back tears and asking her to assure me that Aaron wouldn’t be stupid if I just stopped nursing altogether. I can only imagine what that poor woman must have been thinking on the other end of the phone. Of course she didn’t really say anything in response because there was no way that a trained professional was going to justify that kind of crazy. Again, three years later I know that that was insane and that I never should have put so much pressure on myself. And for the record, Aaron is the most brilliant child that I have ever met-a totally unbiased observation of course.
There were many other challenges that came my way as the months turned into years and Aaron grew from an infant, to a toddler, and then to a preschooler. I faced them all with varying degrees of sanity, and I am happy to say that I am still surviving day to day. I don’t think that you ever really get comfortable in the role of mother because the rules are always changing and your opposition has much more energy than you ever will, but you learn to adapt and forget the notion that anyone really “knows” what they are doing. You learn as you go. It’s the nature of the job.
I have come a long way since those days of blissful ignorance. I have seen some of the rough sides of motherhood and I have come to know some of the incredible joys that only a mother can experience. Is it always easy? No way, but it’s not all wailing and gnashing of teeth either. Aaron has already taught me so much about life and love that I can’t for one moment imagine my life without him. I also know that I still have a whole lot to learn as a mother. For all intents and purposes I am only three years in and still probably considered a rookie by women with much older children. As I sit here writing this feature, I can feel my daughter Elyse kicking in my belly and I wonder what she will have to teach me and how I will be different as a mother after she is born. I thank God for my children and I know that no matter how difficult, challenging, or frustrating motherhood can be, I have truly been blessed for the opportunity to bring life into this world. This is the hardest job that I have ever had to do or ever will do in the future, but I know that it is all worth it every time I hear my little guy say, “My love you Mama.”
About the author: Amy is a full-time stay-at-home wife and mother and has been married to her wonderful husband Michael for five years. Together they have a son, Aaron, who is three and a daughter, Elyse, who is due to be born early this summer. Before becoming a mother, Amy was a Histology Technician for a Pathology lab at a local hospital.
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I Write A Haiku Each Day
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Hurts So Good
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Categories
- Daily Haiku
- Mommy’s Stuff
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You Should Do This
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Ooooooh. Aaaaah.
